


The Theodore Song

by TheodoreR



Series: The Neighbors Song [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: I'm bad at Theo's POV, I'm basically a Liam pretending to be a Theo it's terrible be prepared, M/M, Theo's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2019-10-08 23:04:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17395409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheodoreR/pseuds/TheodoreR
Summary: The Neighbors Song from Theo's POV.______________________________________“Glad we worked this out.” Liam stops pouting for the first time and Theo barely catches a glance of his smile before he turns back on his heels. Just a glance, but it’s enough to shake the fundaments of hisno more guyspurpose. “I’ll hear from you tomorrow morning, Ted.”“It’s Theo!”“Same thing.” Liam shrugs without turning back and Theo keeps staring at him as he disappears upstairs again. What an asshole.He loves him already.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Look at Des, losing our 'who posts first wins' challenge. AH. 
> 
> Blame NotRaeken for putting this Theo's POV idea inside my head.  
> But mostly blame my willingness to escape from real life responsibilities by still messing around in this fandom.
> 
> (It literally won't make sense if you haven't read TNS -but probably even if you have.)

 

 

_“Thinking about you, pretty boy. You shouldn’t be alone today. I miss you.”_

Theo locks his phone, rolling his eyes. He doesn’t know what’s more pathetic, Brad that keeps texting him as if they were still together or the fact that he still can’t bring himself to block his number.

Probably the second. Brad has at least the excuse of not having much else to do in prison.

Suddenly someone knocks loudly at the door and Theo lets out a sigh. He hopes it’s not Mrs Jenkins with yet another friendly rule, he moved there since less than a month and she already set a ridiculous amount of rules such as no visitors after midnight and no music during the week. He’s almost at the door when his phone buzzes again.

_“Hey Theo, how are you? Not sure if you remember me, I’m Danny, the guy from last night at Sinema. I was wondering if you’d maybe like to hang out today? I’d love to offer you a coffee or something.”_

This time, Theo doesn’t hesitate to block him. He’s done with dating for a while, the last thing he needs is yet another guy, no matter how pretty.

Not even the cute guy from the first floor that’s now glaring at him from the doorframe.

“Good morning, how-”

“It’s not.” The guy cuts him off immediately and Theo blinks. _Well then._

 “Okay” He hesitates, scratching his nose confused. “Can I help you?”

The answer leaves Theo gasping. He’s pretty sure this is the one that left him the rude note about his terrible voice on his door the other day, and now he needs him to _sing?_ There must be something really weird in the water in this building because he has yet to meet someone that doesn’t scream crazy right away.

“You need me to...what? Who are you?”

“I’m Liam Dunbar” He introduces himself through gritted teeth and he seems to be mad about that too, as if he’d rather be someone else. “We talked already.”

“Are you sure? I don’t think I ever saw you.”

“We didn’t talk face to face, but I shouted at you from my balcony that you can’t sing for shit and you screamed back to fuck off.”

“Wait, you’re the asshole who lives above me? The one who threw flour on my balcony?”

Theo knew that already. He stole some glances of him storming upstairs here and there, always with a pout on his face, and even if he’s not screaming now, his annoyed voice is totally recognizable. Still, he doesn’t need to know.    

“Exactly, Liam Dunbar, nice to meet you, you’re Theo Raeken, now let’s get to business. I need you to sing.”

It’s seven in the morning and there is definitely something strange in the water because Theo doesn’t slam the door to this angry dude’s face for the entirety of the five minutes he spends trying to order him around without ever stopping to low-key insult him. His entitlement is so past the acceptable level that he can’t even find in himself to be mad about it.

It’s seven in the morning and that’s probably why Theo ends up agreeing to the most ridiculous deal ever with someone even more ridiculous.

“Glad we worked this out.” Liam stops pouting for the first time and Theo barely catches a glance of his smile before he turns back on his heels. Just a glance, but it’s enough to shake the fundaments of his _no more guys_ purpose. “I’ll hear from you tomorrow morning, Ted.”

“It’s Theo!”

“Same thing.” Liam shrugs without turning back and Theo keeps staring at him as he disappears upstairs again. What an asshole.

 

He loves him already. 

 

***

  
“Hey Todd, do you by chance own a Netflix account?”

Theo stoically refuses to give his rude neighbor his login credentials, but then Liam smiles again and it doesn’t matter if he’s clearly doing it on purpose to get what he wants, they’re now sitting on his couch watching Game of Thrones.

Theo just agreed to yet another ridiculous deal with this guy and it’s not even seven in the morning anymore.

He’s _so_ fucked.

 

***

 

_“What’s the point of ghosting me if the second I’m out you’ll run right back to me? Four months, pretty boy. I can’t wait.”_

Theo almost blocks him this time. Almost.

 

“Oh. You want me to come back not now then? Like, later?”

“Yes, in half an hour maybe? After dinner?”

“Sure, later.” Liam nods, eagerly glancing inside. He totally wants Theo to invite him for dinner, it’s obvious. Not happening. “I usually watch Netflix while I eat.” He adds a lot less casual than he sure thinks he’s being and Theo has to try really hard to keep a straight face. “That’s what I usually do. Watching and eating at the same time. I love doing that.”

Theo finds him absolutely adorable and that’s how he knows he can’t invite him for dinner. Not when his plans for the next few months consist of only two words: _stay single._   

“I like food and Netflix together” Liam tries again hesitant and Theo sighs. He needs to stop this right now or he’ll end up inviting him not only for dinner but to the altar as well. 

“Yes I got that. Why are you telling me? And why are you still here?”

“I’m not still here” Liam immediately denies bitter and then he turns on his heels, speeding towards the stairs. Great. It worked. This is good.

Good looks like a kicked puppy.  

“Hey, do you want to come in for dinner? So we can eat while we watch Game of Thrones?”

Fuck. No. Bad, so bad.

“Sure thing.” Liam teleports himself downstairs in a second and bad looks like the prettiest smile in the world.

  
_Shit._

 

***

 

_“I bet you look gorgeous today, pretty boy.”_

Theo keeps staring at his phone just a few seconds longer than the acceptable for someone who’s not affected. Then he gets out of bed with a yawn and his breakfast gets interrupted by Liam impatiently knocking on his door.

The fact that Theo can now tell it’s him even before opening, just by the way his fist hits the door always with the same hurried pace, always three times, is just slightly concerning.

“I think I have a beetle in my ear.”

The fact that he still lets him inside after that, on the other hand, is a giant red flag.

 

***

 

When Liam accidentally says it while throwing random names at him, as they do, Theo holds his breath.

He can’t even remember the last time someone called him that. _(He can, it was the first and the last time Brad did it and they had a big fight about it.)_

“I’ll call you Theodore until the day I die.”

“Which is gonna be today if you call me that again.”

“Sure thing, Theodore.”

His name is the worst affront his mom ever made to him, if not the only one, it’s ugly and embarrassing and it’s honestly so childish and annoying that people use it to piss him off. He hates it.  

_(It doesn’t sound half as ugly on Liam’s lips and Theo doesn’t feel like dealing with that just yet.)_

 

***

 

Theo hesitates in the insecticides aisle of the supermarket for almost fifteen minutes before walking away empty handed. It’s not his problem anyway. Whether he looks like it or not, Liam is an actual adult and he can take care of his own apartment by himself.

Just because his neighbour has a beetles infestation it doesn’t mean Theo has to get involved, that’s not how it works. Actually, _not_ get involved is Theo’s main goal, no matter how sad and miserable Liam looked. That’s kinda how he always looks anyway.

 

_“I can’t wait to fuck you against every surface again. Soon baby. I know you can’t wait either, even if you’re being difficult right now.”_

Theo glances quickly at his phone and as he slips it back in his pocket without a second thought one bottle of insecticide falls on the floor. The lady behind him in line picks it up for him, putting it back with all the other beetles poisons in his arms. Theo nods politely, thanking her.

 

***

 

“Hi. I brought you things.” Theo smiles, shoving all the bottles against Liam’s chest and kneeling down to pet the little happy sausage whining and wriggling its tail at him so hard that all its body shakes as well. Two seconds later its tongue is in his mouth and Theo has to try really hard to keep smiling as if his germophobic self didn’t just die on the inside. He’s not sure why it’s so important that Liam sees how well he goes along with his dachshund. He knows even less why as soon as Liam tells him he can’t disinfest his apartment with his dog in it, he offers to keep it, as if the idea of having a dog trotting inside his house potentially ruining his furniture wasn’t one of his worst nightmare.

All he knows he’s that he’s now standing in his apartment with an excited little sausage under his arm.

Theo cautiously puts it down and immediately googles how to keep a dachshund from losing too many hair and peeing inside. According to most sources, not kidnapping a dachshund for the sole reason of his owner being cute seems to be the best way.

***

_“Guards almost found my phone today. If you don’t hear from me for a while you know why. You also know that I’ll always come back to you pretty boy. Always.”_

Theo absently reads the text while scratching Scott’s neck with his left hand. There’s so much lose skin there, it’s almost as if another dog was supposed to fit in.

He abandons his phone on the couch to put both hands to use and Scott sighs contently closing his eyes. Theo doesn’t know much about dogs but that’s probably the equivalent of dog purring. It’s nice.

 

“I think I’ll die if I sleep in my apartment. Mrs Jenkins plants are all dead.”

Liam apparently used so much pesticide that he managed to contaminate the ground floor as well and Theo is very aware in the back of his mind of how concrete the chance of everyone in the building dying in their sleep for lungs poisoning is, but all he can worry about as he hesitantly invites Liam inside is how letting him crash at his place can only be the beginning of the end.   _(That very first smile was, but let’s not go there.)_

 

***

 

Theo comes back from the closet with the spare toothbrush just in time to see Liam planting a little kiss on Scott’s sleepy head and _antigenic_ is the word he’s looking for, not _cute._ Fricking antigenic and inappropriate, that is.

Theo would totally give his life for this guy on his couch always calling his dog a rat and secretly kissing him when no one’s around and he’s so no pleased with this new information. Being ready to take a bullet for his new neighbour after literally a week was never a part of his plans, but it seems it’s just how things are now.

“Why Scott? It’s a weird name for a dog.”

Liam’s head darts towards him as he immediately stops petting Scott to cross his arms to his chest, his cheeks turning a shade darker than usual.

“Everyone in my first school was horrible” He mutters quickly, clearly embarrassed of having been caught in the middle of the unforgivable crime of being soft with his dog. “The teachers cared more about their cars than they cared about students, that’s why they expelled me, fucking pigheads.”

That sounds like a weird reason to get expelled but it also sounds like a _don’t really wanna talk about it_ reason, so he just keeps listening.

“In the new school everyone was horrible as well of course and as soon as they found out I had been expelled from my old school they started...this game, rile up Liam, which basically consisted in trying to make me angry and get thrown out of there too,” Liam’s eyes keep moving around the room  without ever meeting Theo’s, his jaw clenched and his fingers restless in Scott’s fur, and he _did_ say everyone was horrible to be fair, but it’s Liam and a wave of guilt twists Theo’s stomach as he catches himself be surprised he wasn’t just being dramatic. “And then this senior, Scott, who was also my Lacrosse captain –I’m so good at Lacrosse by the way, did I tell you that? _So fucking good._ Anyway, he took me under his wing and kept me from giving every single asshole and their cars what they deserved, which was a beating with a Lacrosse stick, and eventually everyone stopped messing with me because it wasn’t fun if I didn’t react, so.” Liam shrugs glancing down at Scott, still asleep on his lap. “He worked with Deaton at his clinic and he gave Scott to me before moving out for college because he knew I always wanted a dog. I actually wanted a rottweiler, but he said it’d be good for me to take care of a tiny puppy, go figure.”

Liam scoffs and Theo smiles.

“So you named Scott after him to thank him for taking care of you during high school. It’s sweet.”

Liam blinks perplexed.

“Err, no?” Liam throws him a _are you stupid?_ look and it’s Theo’s turn to blink in confusion now. “I did it to teach him a lesson, because I wanted a _rottweiler._ But since he insulted me with a tiny sausage that same tiny sausage is now going around with his name. Serves him good. Let’s see how he likes it when he comes back. Asshole.”

Theo would literally die for this weirdo and there’s nothing he can do about it.  

 

***

 

Liam keeps trying to annoy him by calling him Theodore and succeeding in such a different way than what he thinks, because what’s actually deeply annoying Theo is the fact that he’s not annoyed at all, not even a little. It doesn’t matter if it’s mocking, it just sound so good on his lips and that Liam can just appear out of nowhere and make him revaluate a name Theo hated all his life is scary. Frustrating, that’s the word. Not scary. Theo is frustrated, that is.

“Well, I like Theodore.” Liam says blatantly at some point before widening his eyes. ( _And scary was totally the word._ ) “The name Theodore, I mean.”

His cheeks are on fire now and Theo should just go to his room and at least pretend to sleep, he already gave Liam a toothbrush and a blanket, there’s no other reason for him to keep lingering around the couch, except he does just that, he banters with him and he keeps leaning down to pet Scott, a little sleepy ball on Liam’s lap where their fingers keep meeting awkwardly but consistently. Scott is trying to sleep and he clearly doesn’t appreciate being touched so much, but Theo keeps caressing his fur right next to where Liam’s hand is doing the same. It’s childish and he needs to stop, but he doesn’t. They both don’t.

“Goodnight, Luke.” He says eventually forcing himself to walk away. He lived without Liam all his life, he can manage a few more hours until morning.

“Goodnight, Theodore.”

He should keep walking, but his feet stop with a willing of their own. “I said don’t call me that.” _Because I might just kiss you if you do it one more time._

“And I’m doing it anyway.” Liam actually stands up just to stare at him with defiance, walking to his face, his chin raised smugly. “What are you going to do about it, Theodore?” Another step closer. Theo is frozen.  “You'll kiss me to shut me up?”

“What?” He doesn’t even get to close his lips before Liam is grabbing his shirt to help himself on his tips and pressing his mouth against his, harshly. _It’s not happening, it’s not happening, it’s not happening._

It’s happening.

Liam is kissing him. Well, he’s trying.

Theo shouldn’t be so surprised to be fair. He’s not. Liam likes him, he knew that already. He maybe shouldn’t, because it’s not as if Liam ever told him that or even acted remotely nice with him, but that’s not how Liam shows someone he likes them. Why Theo knows that after hanging out with him for barely a few weeks is a mystery, he just does and he has seen Liam’s slowly crushing for him right from the start. _(Just like he saw himself doing the same. Except a lot faster.)_

After the disastrous ending of his last relationship, Theo swore _no more guys_ but he kissed Danny that one night at Sinema. They kissed and they touched each other and they had sex in the bathroom next to a drunk passed out dude and it wasn’t a big deal, because he didn’t like Danny anyway.

But this weirdo staring at him wide eyed with his lips still pressed against his? Theo adores this one to pieces and that’s why he can’t kiss him back.

When Scott barks, Liam steps away, but he keeps staring at Theo expectant.

He’s waiting. He knows Theo likes him back, he’s not stupid. And that’s just another reason why Theo can’t, he doesn’t want to, not so soon, not when he’s already so gone for him, not when just hearing his full name on his lips make weird things to his stomach, and so he keeps silent and still as he sees the doubt slowly making his way in Liam’s blue eyes, the red soon flushing his cheeks.

“So” Liam clears his voice uncomfortable, searching Theo’s face. There’s still a glint of hope in his eyes. Theo hates that he has to break that too. “Should I call Mason and ask him if I can sleep at his place?”

Theo wants to say no so bad, so he doesn’t wait a single second. “Yeah, you do that.”

 

Liam goes.

 

 ***

 

Theo can’t sleep that night. He keeps thinking about Liam. He hopes this Mason he keeps mentioning actually exists and he’s a good friend. He hopes he’s not letting him be sad.

 

At two a.m. a blue light followed by a throbbing sound cuts the darkness in his room and Theo darts towards it before remembering Liam doesn’t have his number.

_“False alarm. I’m still here, pretty boy, don’t worry.”_

Theo almost throws his phone against the wall.

 

***

 

Liam said he needs to watch at least an episode of Game of Thrones every day, no exception, but he doesn’t show up at all the next day.

Theo does his best to ignore the ache in his chest. _They barely know each other, come on. It can’t be that bad already, he refuses to believe it._

 

***

  
“I got robbed.”

When Liam finally shows up he manages to instantly turn all the relief that filled Theo at seeing his face into a shocked concern. It takes him a few more questions to catch on the fact that being robbed and being pressured into paying rent are the same thing in Liam’s book and then Theo can let himself bask in his relief again. Relief because it’s Liam the one basically robbing people and not the other way around. Relief because he still likes Theo. It’s kind of an asshole thought, since _no guys_ and all, but Theo is too happy to care right now.

“Do you still need my Netflix then? Since you got robbed by our administrator?” He asks amused and Liam nods eagerly. He looks happy too.

“Yes.”

“Good.” Theo steps back, letting him in. “Go sit down, I made lasagna.”

It’s not a smart move, invite him right back as if nothing happened, but Theo couldn’t care less at the moment. Liam didn’t show up yesterday and that was it. One day is all it took him to know it’s already too late, even if he kept himself from kissing him back. Liam smiles happily diving face first into his lasagna and Theo and his stupid plans of _no more guys_  don't stand a chance.  

 

 

_“I dreamt about you, pretty boy. You were-”_

It’s a long ass text and Theo doesn’t even read it till the end. He glances at Liam, who’s staring intently at Jon Snow killing his first white walker, slumped next to him on the couch. He looks so excited.

 

After two months since they broke up, Theo finally blocks Brad’s number.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Liam POV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15499173/chapters/35980773#workskin) 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this happened, I apologise. I’ll try not to do it again but you know me, I have no control whatsoever.

 

Liam doesn’t know how to properly cook pasta or veggies or apparently any kind of food, but he does know how to serve a perfectly cold revenge, as Theo learns two weeks after he didn’t kiss him back.

He should have seen the trap the second Liam showed up on his door asking for olive oil and mentioning friends at his place, _friends_ as in plural, as in more than one, as in not just Mason - Mason’s whose existence is still to be proved beyond every reasonable doubt by the way. He probably exists and he has been Liam’s friend at some point in life, some anecdotes are just too detailed not to be true, but if that is still the case or they stopped talking for example after first grade, that’s difficult to know for sure: Liam says a lot of things.

Right now he said _friends_ and it’s clearly a trap and Theo should stay in the safety of his own flat and mind his business, which he does for twenty minutes, staring at the wall and waiting for the strictly necessary amount of time that it takes not to look nosy or insanely attached to his olive oil, and then he hurries upstairs.

“I just wanted to know if you’re done with my olive oil,” Theo wouldn’t go as far as to say that Liam usually listens to him, because it doesn’t look like it, not exactly, sometimes Theo actually feels like he’s talking to a wall, but what Liam usually _does_ is paying attention. Not necessarily to what he’s saying, but to him, to Theo, to his face and his lips and his eyes and his existence on the planet Earth. What Liam makes out of it inside his grumpy little head, Theo has no idea, but Liam always focuses on him, he knows that much.

Not now.

Liam is barely paying attention to Theo, clearly impatient to go back to whoever are those people on his couch behind him. Theo would love to get a better glance at them and the rest of the apartment, to see just _how many_ they are exactly, but Liam is not moving his body from the doorway or inviting him in anytime soon it seems. It’s pretty frustrating and Theo is just about to leave, but then the blonde guy starts laughing really loud and he _needs_ to stay there and find out what’s so funny.

“I kinda need it. Because I’m just about to prepare dinner, you know. I’ll probably watch something on Netflix or, I don’t know, I don’t really have any plans for tonight...”

This is the moment where Liam invites him for dinner, or even to _make_ dinner since he seems to appreciate Theo’s cooking a lot and he’s never ashamed to ask for it. Except Liam just shrugs uninterested and turns back towards the people on his couch. “Nolan, mate, could you pass me the olive oil?” Theo knows there’s a Nolan living in the third or fourth floor, he knows because the first day he moved in said Nolan commented on his ass very loudly. What he didn’t know was that this Nolan had access to Liam’s flat and friendship. “Thanks, mate, I can always count on you. Just like that time when you did that friendly thing for me. Because we’re friends. Here.” He hands Theo the bottle and he grabs it slowly, his brain working quickly to find another excuse to linger there. He doesn’t find any.

“So, are you having fun?”He clears his voice, hesitating on the door.

“Yeah, sure. Plenty of fun.” Liam’s hand moving on the door knob is not exactly subtle. Theo stares at it.

“Okay.” He says unsure. He doesn’t really want to go. “I’ll go then.”

“Yeah” Liam says and Theo turns on his heels defeated. Liam has friends and he’s clearly not welcome among them. “ _You do that.”_

The same words he dismissed Liam with right after the kiss suddenly hit him from behind and Theo stiffens, starting to turn back, but when he does Liam has already closed the door to his face, leaving him there with his lips parted and the still full bottle of olive oil in his hands.

A trap, that’s what it was. It was a trap and Theo fell for it.

There’s an uncomfortable heat on his cheeks as he retreats to the first floor.

 

 

“Everyone left.” Liam whines exactly ten minutes later on Theo’s door. “They’re all mad at me. I have no friends anymore. Can we watch something, please?”

It’s another trap, one even more dangerous than the last one because involuntary, but Liam looks so lonely and miserable as he manages to wide his eyes successfully doubling their size and Theo _almost_ gives in. Of course they’re all stupid for getting mad at Liam and leaving, fricking assholes, of course they can watch something together, they can do whatever Liam wants to do as long as he stops looking so sad.

“So now that everyone left you suddenly have time for me?” He asks bitter instead because _fuck that,_ this is not happening, this is dangerous and Theo needs to be mad at Liam, especially since it’s so easy _not_ to be.

“OH YEAH, WHY NOT, KICK ME WHILE I’M ON THE FLOOR, SURE!” Liam keeps screaming at him through the now closed door for a while, until Deaton’s voice says something about noise and rent and then there’s silence again.

 

There’s silence for quite a few days and Theo is quite happy with it. Silence is good, silence is the sound you make when you’re not falling in love with anyone.

 

 

***

Theo is sitting two chairs from Liam at the condominium meeting and he manages to ignore him pretty well until Deaton changes topic for the fifth times in three seconds and asks everyone to vote about Liam’s permanence in the building. Mr Argent’s medical exams actually report a light principle of lungs poisoning due to prolonged exposure to an excessive concentration of insecticides and Theo has no idea how he does it, speaking for five minutes without interruption placing lie over lie, as if he believed all the bullshit he’s spitting from his mouth, but eventually he somehow guilty  everyone into not throwing Liam out.

It’s just then that he remembers that not living in the same building as Liam would have probably helped him with his _tragically crushing on my neighbour how do I stop it_ situation. Oh well.

 

 

“Hey.” Liam is not looking at him when he intercepts him before he can join the human wave flooding towards the exit at the end of the meeting, but Theo still stops and waits expectantly. “I just wanted to...like, thanks. For that.”

He’s blushing. As if he wasn’t cute enough already.

Theo really doesn’t need to be anywhere near Liam’s flushed cheeks, so he mutters an excuse and tries to go on his way, but Liam stops him again, this time actually looking him in the eyes. He seems conflicted and eventually he tugs his hands in his pockets biting his lip. Theo tries not to focus too much on that. “Look, I’m sorry that I made you mad at me the other night. I  _hate_  that you’re mad at me. Do you think you could maybe stop? Please?” His lower lip is now popping out so dramatically that it should look ridiculous, but it doesn’t. He looks like an actual human puppy and Theo has never been in so much danger before.

“Yeah, I think I could.” He nods politely, trying not to give away that what he actually can’t do is _start_ to be mad at him.

He ends up inviting him for lunch and Liam smiles so happily that Theo doesn’t even regret it. He _will_ regret it at some point, he knows that, but not yet, not when Liam looks so content in front of him. He even goes as far as to almost hug him –that or he was about to shove him out of the way, Theo is not sure- but then he seems to realize what he’s doing and his eyes widen as he freezes with his arms mid air towards Theo’s chest, fear and guilt written in his face as if he had been caught stealing.  

Theo would like to help him out of the embarrassment because Liam looks like he’s about to faint, but he has no idea what to do and eventually Liam ends up highfiving him.

“This is our best friends secret handshake” He decrees after he added a fist bump and a few other weird gestures to it. Then he freezes again. “Not that we’re best friends, my best friend is Mason and Mason only” He adds quickly before running away.

Theo stares at him shoving Deaton out of the way and throwing himself down the stairs as if he was being chased to death and he can’t figure out what it is about this weirdo that fucked him up so bad.

 

 

***

“You’re so good Theodore, I’m about to have an orgasm I swear” Theo always liked being praised in bed and Liam’s voice is so rough and full of pleasure that he finds himself swallowing hard as images from the dream he had a few nights before come back to his mind. Dreams _do_ come true sometimes. Too bad they’re just having lunch now. “Seriously, this is the best lasagna I ever had. You should go to Masterchef or something.”

Theo clears his voice. “Thanks, but I just followed the recipe.”

“So good” Liam continues chewing making weird pleased noises and Theo stands up clearing his voice. Why is this happening to him? How did he went from _no more boys_ to being turned on by his weird neighbour eating lasagna?  
“I’ll set up the episode for when you’re done.”

Pressing a button doesn’t require _that_ much time and Theo is left standing awkwardly in front of his couch with nothing to do while Liam keeps making all his obscene noises, completely unbothered by Theo’s sudden absence at the table. He talks to his lasagna with just as much passion and Theo doesn’t know how he feels about it. Not jealous, that’s for sure. Would he die for Liam to look at him like that and compliment him with _that_ voice while eating him out? Sure. Will he dream about it tonight? Most likely. Still, jealous of an inanimate object? Not there yet.

“I want to marry your couch” Liam informs him after a while, joining him in front of the TV and starting a new thread of pleased sounds while stretching himself like a cat. Theo’s eyes can’t help but linger on the bit of naked skin revealed by his hoodie lifting up as a consequence of Liam’s weird arms movements, the same movements that end up with his knuckles accidentally hitting Theo’s nose, which is exactly what he deserves for staring where he’s not supposed to stare at anyway. What’s under Liam’s hoodie isn’t any of his business. _No. More. Boys. Just stick to the plan, Theo._  

The battle of the Bastard, one of his favourite episodes in Game of Thrones, take place in front of his eyes, but he’s too busy silently scolding himself to pay attention and at some point he finally notices that Liam is not paying much attention either, which is weird because Liam usually watches everything as if his own life depended on it, but now he just checked his phone for the third time in a few minutes, a pouting frown on his face.

“Are your friends still mad at you?” He asks cautious, glancing at him. “Since the other night?”

“Yeah.” Liam nods sadly, biting his lip. His shoulders dropping in defeat. “ _He_  is. Mason.”

“I’m sorry.” Theo says, tapping absently on the empty space between them. He has no idea what Liam did and he has no trouble believing that his friend’s anger is most likely justified, but at the same time he can’t help but feel annoyed at this Mason guy for making Liam look like that. What kind of cold heart can he have to do that? Doesn’t he know he’s Liam’s only friend? “I’m sure he won’t be able to stay mad at you for much longer.”

“Mh.” Liam makes a sad little noise looking down and crossing his arms on his chest and Theo immediately recognizes the perfect moment to stop staring at him and refocusing on the screen, the one moment to save himself and stop this madness, and then he lets the moment go and he wraps his arm around Liam’s shoulder, hauling him closer. It’s not a conscious decision, there’s no direct communication between his brain and his arm as he does so, what there is is Liam, warm and soft and sad, now pressed against his side. Theo can feel his surprise burning against his cheek, can see his confusion even with his eyes glued to the screen, but he doesn’t retreat, he stays perfectly still, faking calm and nonchalance even with that voice in his head that keeps insulting him very loudly. Ignoring the problem is one thing, _hugging_ the problem? He’s digging his own grave and everything that will happen from now on will be one hundred percent his fault.

Well, ninety percent actually, because Liam is not helping either by leaning completely against him, his head moving slowly to rest on his chest and if Theo wasn’t paying attention before, now that he’s watching the episode with his chin pressed on Liam’s soft hair he doesn’t understand a word. He notices that it’s over way too long into the credits and mostly because he’s aware of how Liam should move at this point and yet he keeps being there, a quiet, warm weight on Theo’s chest.

He risks a glance and Liam’s eyelashes brushing his cheeks, his slightly parted lips, all of it confirms that it happened,  Liam just fell asleep on him and Theo is not even going to pretend anymore at this point: the next episode starts automatically and it’s forty minutes of characters lying and plotting and stabbing each other in the background while Theo fights in silence a much bigger battle with himself, because _no,_ he’s not going to touch Liam’s hair, not to mention stroking them, no matter how much he wants to, he’s not that deep into the shit just yet.

He still lets Liam drool on his t-shirt for forty minutes straight without moving and that’s basically the same thing.

The northern men acclaiming Jon Snow King in the North eventually wake Liam up and his sleepy confused face, lips pouting as if he regained consciousness already mad at the world, is all Theo needs to decide that he wants to wake up to that every day of his life and that he is _indeed_ that deep into the shit already.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  [Liam POV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15499173/chapters/36823263#workskin)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so annoying with this TNS universe stuff no one cares about, I’m aware but I won’t do anything about it because I’m a free elf. I will, however, try to keep it as short as I can, promise.

 

 

As soon as he spots Cersei on the Throne, Liam darts on his feet with a frustrated growl and Theo wonders with a sigh why he couldn’t complain about the injustices of the universe while staying on the couch with him, all warm and soft pressed against his side instead of the angry tornado that is now storming across his living room.

“Stop being dramatic” He sighs standing up as well, instinctively taking a step closer to the other boy as if Liam was some kind of magnet.

“I’m not being dramatic, the universe hates me. Mrs Jenkins and her centenary toy boy almost kicked me out today and now this. I don’t deserve any of it.” Liam keeps complaining with true pain in his eyes. “Everyone is evil to me for no reason.”

It’s ridiculous, that’s a show watched by millions of people and the writers didn’t put Cersei on the Iron Throne specifically to offend Liam, but Theo still finds himself nodding compliant.

“They are.” He says softly and then his arms are wrapped around Liam once again, which _bad, very bad, stupid Theo what are you doing_ , but Liam is so fast in the way he instantly melts and closes his hands behind Theo’s back and is just very difficult to remember exactly why standing there hugging and comforting his whiny neighbor is _so_ bad. “You’re a victim of the universe.”

“I am.” Liam mutters against his chest and then his forehead is just resting lifeless in the crook of Theo’s neck as if he decided to sleep there and who is Theo to deny him that? Someone that promised himself that he wouldn’t fall for anyone just yet, that’s who, and that’s why after a whole lot of bickering and flirting and shamelessly hugging each other for no reason, he reminds Liam that going back home to sleep is a thing.

“It’s almost midnight.” He points out, trying to loosen his grip on Liam without making it look too much like he’s throwing him out, which is totally what he’s doing.

“I won’t turn into a pumpkin.” Liam mutters still glued to Theo’s chest, as if someone could ever confuse him for Cindarella when he has ‘bitter half-sister’ written on his face.

“I know. It’s just...it’s late. Don’t you wanna go?”

Liam sighs annoyed, finally taking a step away and glaring at him. He clearly doesn’t want to go, which just makes it more necessary for him to do it. “Do you want me to go?”

Theo sinks his hands in his pockets, glancing around. Of course he doesn’t want him to go, he wants to wrap himself around him and protect him from all the small daily inconveniences that every human experiences regularly and that somehow turn into actual catastrophes in Liam’s weird way of dealing with life and he wants to hug him tight and never let go. So, of course, he needs to go right now. “Yeah, I think you should go.”

“Oh that’s what you think?”

“Yes, because we both have to wake up tomor-”

“Then I’ll guess I’ll go.” Liam cuts him off sharp. “Goodnight, Theodore.”

Liam doesn’t really want him to have a good night, Theo knows that instantly for the twitching in his lips as he says it and the challenging spark in his eyes that made it less like a genuine wish and more like a _I dare you to have a good night while I’m cursing you and your entire ancestry just one floor above you_ kind of wish.

Also, in Liam’s vocabulary Theodore is totally an insult now, and one of the heavy ones too, Theo can’t prove it but that’s exactly what happened, he’s been insulted with his own name and there’s nothing he can do about it. He does try to repay Liam with the same coin but it’s a feeble attempt and his goodnight is not aggressive at all, because he genuinely wishes Liam to have a lovely night even if the universe hates him, and the way his name sounds on his lips resembles more a  _I can’t help but adore you_ than an insult. Theo hates himself for it and he suddenly sees why Liam would use Theodore as an insult, being a Theodore is indeed awful.

 

 

It’s especially awful when your neighbor wakes you up by aggressively knocking on your door at six in the morning.

“You’re weird.”

“Good morning to you too, sunshine.” Theo yawns, rubbing his eyes and taking a step aside to let him in.

Turns out what Liam actually means with ‘weird’ is ‘asshole’ and he’s mad at him. Theo tries to convince him that it’d be more productive to be mad at him after they both had at least breakfast, but Liam _is mad_ at him and he won’t postpone it of one second.

It’s fair, Theo guesses. Not that he’s been woke up at six a.m., that will never be fair, but Liam being mad at him? He kinda deserved it, he imagines. It’s Liam’s fault too because he looks so huggable all the time and Theo is not made of iron, but fine, he’ll own up to the mixed signals he has been involuntarily sending Liam and he’ll tell him all about Brad and _no more boys_ and just how difficult Liam is making it for him.

Except Liam didn’t come into his apartment so early in the morning to _listen._ He came with the specific goal of throwing a live beetle at him and before Theo can say more than a few words he does just that, because that’s the kind of person Theo fell for.

There’s a lot of screaming and running and objects being thrown around, and at some point all his neighbors are for some reasons in his apartment and not one of them is making it better, they’re all panicking and Theo is so going to skip his stairs cleaning turn this month just because of how Deaton just jumped onto his freshly polished kitchen counter. He’s been with a drug lord for almost a year but this is the most terrific experience Theo ever lived, with the beetle being so fast and all the uninvited people and his favorite lamp crushing against the wall and Mrs Jenkins slipping and almost breaking her head open, and there’s nothing funny about it, even if Liam’s laugh does sound cute as he enjoys the chaos he created.    

Still, Theo is not happy he fell for yet another sociopath.

 

**

“Isaac, would you please tell Melissa in the kitchen we’re out of pumpkin cupcakes and would you also stop talking behind my back? Thanks.”

Theo doesn’t move his eyes from the latte he’s making, still smiling politely towards the general direction of clients and therefore tips, but the passionate whispering a few feet from him stops regardless.

“Oh, take that stick out of your ass, Raeken, I was just telling Allison how ugly you look today.” Isaac scoffs not worrying about lowering his voice because being nice or professional is clearly not that important when you’re the boss adoptive son anyway.

“That’s exactly what talking behind someone’s back means.” Theo places the latte on the counter and turns to glare at Isaac, while Allison smiles apologetically and disappear in the kitchen because waiting for Isaac to do something productive is like waiting for the rain in times of drought, useless and disappointing.

“I would tell you to your face but I’d rather not look at that. Did you notice those black holes under your eyes? You should try this thing called sleep sometimes.”

Theo quickly glances at the tables to make sure no one is paying attention to them and then he proceeds to choke Isaac with his silk scarf, because being the boss favorite means he can sometimes beat up the boss son without being fired if he feels like it.

“I just had a rough awakening.” He explains eventually while Isaac coughs readjusting his scarf, his cheeks all red.

“Why, did you suddenly realize you’re spending the best years of your life working ridiculous shifts at minimum wage only to pay rent in a shithole of a neighborhood while all your friends live their best life?  Welcome to the club.”

“None of it, and unlike you I see nothing wrong with this neighborhood, it’s usually nice and quiet when there isn’t a shooting happening, which is not more than once a week anyway.” Theo shrugs, stealing a mini-sized chocolate muffin from the counter. He didn’t even have time to have breakfast with all the chaos that morning. “What happened is that my neighbor attacked me.”

“Which one, the cute one?” Isaac also steals a muffin, which also happens to be the one in Theo’s hands because he just loves being an asshole.   

“Yes.” Theo confirms stealing another muffin.  

“Whatever, Nolan must had his reasons.” He mutters immediately, as if Theo didn’t tell him many times that he’s taken. “I’m with him.”

“Not Nolan, Liam. _Liam_  is the cute one.”

“Liam?” 

“The one that pays me to sing, remember?”

“Oh, the crazy one, yes.” Isaac nods. “Of course his name is Liam. Did he punch you?”

“Look, just because _a_ Liam happened to punch you once in a museum it doesn’t mean every Liam is the same. Liam would never punch me.” Theo scoffs. “He just threw a beetle at me.”

“Because that’s so much better.”

“So yeah, forgive me if I’m not at my best right now and I keep seeing that thing flying towards me. That’s the one good thing about beetles, that they don’t fly, and now it’s gone forever. And what’s worse is that I can’t stop wondering if he’s okay and-”

“The beetle?”

Theo blinks. “No, Liam. A dog ate it.”

“A dog ate Liam?”

“The beetle, a dog ate the beetle. I wonder how Liam feels.”

“About the dog eating the beetle? Was it his pet beetle? I told you he’s the crazy one.”

“No, about me!” Theo grunts exasperated. “About life. In general, how he feels in general after his attack failed. If it even failed. What did he want to accomplish? Will he still be my friend now? Does he still like me? What...just how he feels, you know. Does he feel like everyone hates him again?”

“If throwing beetles is how he usually solves his relationship issues, then yes, it’s safe to assume that everyone hates him.”

“I don’t hate him.” Theo points out quietly.

“He threw a beetle at you.”

“Yeah, well, he must had his reasons. He probably felt threatened and maybe throwing beetles is his defense mechanism, I’m not going to judge him for that.”

“His defense mechanism?” Isaac gasps for a few second as if he was speechless, but of course he’s never that. “I can’t believe this. You didn’t speak to me for _two days_ after I accidentally poured water on you.”

“It wasn’t an accident, you did it because you’re evil.”

“See? Your insane neighbor attack you with a beetle and _oh poor thing, it must be a defense mechanism_ , but if I accidentally wet your shirt I’m evil. My point stands.” Isaac crosses his arms triumphant and Theo raises his eyebrow. What is he on about now? 

“What is your point?”  
“You need to fuck your neighbor.”

Theo chokes on his muffin but before he can put some kind of reply together Melissa appears from the kitchen with a threatening ladle in her hands and an even more threatening glare on her face.

“And you two need to stop chatting right now and get back to work, can’t you see the line of customers?”  
“Oh no worries madame, we were actually quite intrigued.” The old lady in the front reassures her, smiling sweetly ad Theo. “I too think you should fuck your neighbor, dear.”

 

**

“Look, you asshole piece of shit, if you keep disrespecting me like t-”

 When Theo comes back home, Liam is in front of his door, _insulting his door_ specifically, and so busy with it that he doesn’t even notice him approaching from behind.

 “Liam?”

He jumps on his feet, startled, almost dropping the cake in his hands.

“Yes, totally Liam. Hi.” He clears his voice nervously, looking guilty, and Theo hopes it’s because he has just been caught in the middle of insulting someone's door and not because there is now another trap waiting for him inside his flat.  

“Why were you insulting m-what’s that?” Theo frowns taking a better look at the chocolate cake that would look inviting if it wasn’t for the icing screaming in large red letters “ _I’m sorry that I threw a beetle at you, but you deserved it.”_

“An apology cake” Liam explains raising it so Theo can see it even better. The cake keeps insulting him even up close. “You didn’t answer your door all day because you’re mad, so I...wait, you’re not mad?”

“Yes, of course I’m mad, you attacked me with a beetle like a crazy man.” Theo scoffs and Liam rolls his eyes as if holding him accountable for his actions was this terrible thing to do. “But I was also at work, that’s why I didn’t answered the door. Is your apology cake blaming me for what you did this morning?”

“Yes, it’s an apology cake, not a  _lying_ cake, it was your fault too.”

“That’s not how apology cakes work.” Theo protests bitter because while he _does_ take some of the blame for how bad he had been at following his own plan, he’s still sure he never took part in anything that made a beetle flying towards him something he should have expected.

“Yeah, well, I don’t see  _your_  apology cake, mister expert” He retorts smug and the funny thing is, Theo actually is an expert in the field of apology cakes, it’s always seemed like the best way to make someone love you again, if not only for the fact that they can’t get their hands on the cake without forgiving you. Still, he didn’t think he had to apologize for being the victim of an ambush.

“That might be because I didn’t throw a beetle at you.”

Liam scoffs. “No, you just threw mixed signals at me, which is worse.”

Theo doesn’t agree with that, mixed signals can’t lay eggs in your house and infest it, nor they can crawl into your ears at night, which on the other hand, according to Liam, beetles totally do, but still, Theo now knows what he has been wondering all day: Liam bought him an apology cake, that’s how he feels. An apology cake that it’s not actually apologizing, but a cake nonetheless. And Liam doesn’t really strike him like the type of person to gift cakes, or to apologize, but here he is, trying to do both.   

Theo sighs, running a hand through his hair. It’s a mistake, he can feel already how much of a mistake it is.

And still. “Alright, come inside. We’ll eat the cake and we’ll talk about this.”

Liam’s smile is so happy that his eyes actually shine, and it’s because he has eyes like that that he can get away with throwing beetles at people, Theo guesses.

He still searches Liam’s pockets before letting him in, because being ridiculously gone for someone and trusting them are two very different things.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Liam POV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15499173/chapters/37073094)


	4. Chapter 4

When Liam carelessly spits some frosting from the apology cake on his leather couch, the one Theo is still paying for –the one he’ll still be paying for the next eight months- and Theo manages not to scream, faint or physically remove him from his apartment, going as far as to remain completely unfazed except for a little murdery twitch in his upper lip, that’s when he knows. He truly is fucked.

So much that he might as well be honest about it.  

Liam doesn’t stop eating, which, considering he threw a beetle at him that same morning because he wanted to have _the talk_ , should be the least he could do now that they’re having it, but there are no insects flying at him this time, and Theo counts it as a win.  

“I’ve been in jail too.” Liam blurts out as soon as he finds out about Brad’s current location and Theo has no idea why he looks so proud as he says it.

Or maybe he has one. “Yeah? And what did you do, oh ruthless criminal?” He asks with a smile, because if this is how Liam wants to impress him, then be it. 

“I punched a guy who touched a skeleton in a museum.” Liam grins happily and Theo’s smile freezes. Oh god, it was _actually_ him. “There was a no touching sign bigger than his brain. Fucking dickhead.”

“What were you doing in a museum?” The distraction seems to work because Liam starts rambling about dinosaurs and history and just how much _better_ dead people are than the living ones, and Isaac will never have to know. If they meet, not only someone will end up in jail again, he won’t shut up about it until the next ice age. But then again, Isaac never really hang out of the house if not explicitly forced by Allison, and Liam...does Liam even leave the condominium? Does he _exist_ outside of it? Probably yes, since he went out at least once to get himself arrested, but his snow white skin, as if it didn’t see the sun in ages, tells a different story. Maybe Theo doesn’t have to worry about him and Isaac meeting just yet.    

They keep talking and Liam seems to absolutely _hate_ Brad already, which really shouldn’t make Theo’s stomach flutter like that: the whole point of the conversation is that it’s bad that they like each other since they can’t date and yet seeing Liam all jealous of his ex is slowly becoming Theo’s new sexual orientation.

“He didn’t have a dog.” He replies when Liam for some weird reason decides that it’s important for him to know about Brad’s pets. “He had an aquarium.”

Liam scoffs. “Yeah, typical.”

“Of what.”

“People like him.”

“Like who.”

“Doctors. Drug dealers.” Liam gestures vaguely, a despising vein in his voice. He’s _so_ jealous and Theo is loving every second of it. “They all have aquariums. So unoriginal.  _Fishes_. Please. Get out of here with that bullshit. Who even wants a fish as a pet, so boring.” He looks ready to punch someone and Theo can’t help himself.

“Actually, they were pretty.” It’s not even true, if Theo glanced at Brad’s aquarium more than once during their entire relationship it’s already a lot, since Liam is right and fishes _are_ boring, but Liam is also bitter as ever because they’re talking about his ex and what if Theo enjoys it? What if he wants to make him even more jealous? It’s not a crime, is it. Hypocritical, illogical, totally counterproductive, sure, but not a crime. “All colorful and artistic.”

“I have a salmon fillet upstairs.” Liam replies immediately and Theo almost chokes trying not to laugh. “It’s all orange. Do you want to see it? Since you like colors and fishes.”

Theo bites his lip, holding back a smile. God, he wants to kiss this idiot so bad. “I’m good, thanks.”

“Okay” Liam glances around uncomfortably before grabbing a tissue and Theo never saw someone fake-blowing his nose, but that was totally it. He’s not sure why Liam is so embarrassed now, when offering to show him a salmon fillet sure as hell wasn’t the weirdest thing he ever said to him, but embarrassed looks adorable on Liam and Theo starts talking again just to focus on something else.

How he goes from casual talks to his deepest childhood trauma is beyond him, but before he knows it he’s blurting everything out about Tara and of all the people Theo opened up with, Liam is being the worst one at handling it, eyes wide in the evident panic of not knowing what to say, his pinkie trembling right next to Theo’s as if he couldn’t quite bring himself to touch it, and not a trace of the perfect comforting words that appear on everyone’s lips when they find out your sister died a lifetime ago and you’re still a mess about it. None of that, Liam is just as a mess as him – _more than him_ – and Theo loves it. 

Their pinkies even actually _touch_ at some point.

That’s until Liam  puts the pieces together. “So you fooled me into paying you for something you would have done anyway!”

And yes, Theo kinda did, except for the part were this was all Liam’s idea.

“Yes, but you fooled me into thinking you would have paid me for it when you actually just started stealing Netflix and food from me.”

“Well, you let me do it!” Liam snaps and a second later his eyes widen as if he didn’t expect his voice to come out so loud.

“Because you’re cute and funny and I like having you around even if I’m always terrified a beetle is going to crawl up from your clothes at any moment!” Theo’s voice comes out just as loud and he too didn’t plan it.

“Then why didn’t you kiss me back.” Liam murmurs and it’s like the fight disappeared from him all at once, leaving only confusion and sadness behind and an unpleasant twinge of guilt in Theo’s chest. That’s him, making Liam look like that. Leading him on, refusing him and then starting it all over again.

“Because I’m not ready for a relationship, I told you.” Theo sighs and his voice is just a whisper because he doesn’t want to hear his own bullshit any more than Liam does.

“A kiss is not a relationship.” Liam scoffs, clearly not realizing Theo thought about marrying him the first time he saw him smiling, if they actually kissed he’d just say fuck biology and get pregnant.

“We already see each other every day and I make you food and we cuddle on the couch while watching Netflix, if we add a kiss to that it’s a relationship.” Theo says, because it sounds a lot more dignified than admitting to Liam that he’ll have his babies if they kiss.

Liam widens his eyes. “Is it?”

Theo shrugs. “Kinda.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“No?”  
“I never really had a relationship before.” Liam picks at his nails as a light red spreads on his cheeks and _god,_ he really was sent by the devil himself to tempt Theo into perdition. How the hell he never had a relationship while looking like _that_ is beyond Theo. “Just a thing with a girl, but super short. She saw the beetles and never called me back.” Right, by not being a proper functional human being who knows to call pest control when invaded by beetles, that’s how.

“Well, she was stupid.” Theo offers sympathetically, completely ignoring how a very disobedient part of his brain, one that obviously doesn’t know about the _plan_ , is thanking god for this girl’s stupidity. “She could have just bought you insecticides.”

“Well, you’re stupid too.” Liam replies immediately and Theo doesn’t have it in him to deny it. “You could have just kissed me back.”

It’s time for a dramatic retreat, it appears, and Theo just watches in silence as Liam walks to the door with his chin up in the air, a proud offended pout on his lips, but for some reasons he furtively glances back once he reaches the door and the second he meets Theo’s eyes he yelps in panic and runs away, not even bothering to slam the door behind him.

Theo is confused, but mostly he’s just stupid.

 

 

 

“I’m busy, unless you’re dying and need me to call you an ambulance I don’t wanna hear it. Actually, if you can call me, you can also call the ambulance yourself, so bye.”

“You’re not busy, Isaac, you’re in your underwear, watching Netflix and eating sushi on your couch like every other day of your life.”

“Yes, exactly, as I said: I’m busy.”

“I told Liam I like him.”

“Liam the crazy one?”

“There’s only one Liam.”

“Oh god, stop being cheesy.”

“No, there’s literally only one Liam in the b-”

“Just to be clear, the crazy neighbor threw a beetle at you and you responded by professing your love to him, this is what you’re saying.”

“I said _like,_ not love, I don’t love him, Jesus. And he apologized for the beetle. I mean, the cake apologized. The cake didn’t actually apologize, fine, but he was sorry. He made an effort. He left me two entire slices of cake, and it wasn’t even the part that was blaming me, he ate that one, so he basically took it back.”

“I genuinely want to gossip so I can mock you properly and laugh about it with Allison later, but you’re more confusing than the _How to get away with murder_ episode I was watching, so I’ll probably hang up now.”  
“I told him about Brad and me not being ready to dive into a new relationship just yet, that’s what happened.” Theo explains with a deep frustrated sigh and there’s silence from the other side of the line for two entire seconds.

“And what did he do?”

“He instantly got into a competition with my ex trying to prove me he’s more criminal and dangerous than him because he spent an entire night in jail and it was so cute, I was about to kiss him there and then, I swear.”

“That’s not cute at all, what did he even do to get himself arrested?”

 _He punched you._ “Dunno, he didn’t tell me.”

“So you’re dating a potential murderer, congrats.”

“He was in for _one_ night, Isaac.”

“The american justice system truly is fucked up. The Liam that punched me in the museum, remember? He too only got only one night in jail for breaking my nose, the fucker.”

“Yeah, yeah, stop with that museum guy already, it was months ago” Theo rolls his eyes. If Isaac ever finds out he’ll just have to quit his job. “I need your advice.”  
“Move out, that’s my advice, now if you’ll let me, I’ll go back to-”

“I’m serious, what do I do? I explained everything to him, and he seemed to be okay with it, but then he suddenly got upset anyway and he ran away.”

“He ran away? What is he, a dog?”

“And now he’s upstairs brooding and hating me! What do I do? And I’m not moving out!”

“Just shake some kibbles and he’ll come back as soon as he hears the noise, easy.”

_“Isaac.”_

“Fine, bring him some human food, whatever. The point stands: it shouldn’t concern you that he’s mad at you. Actually, it’s good news.” Isaac is lying because that’s what he does best, like that time he poured all the milkshakes on the floor and blamed it on the new girl, but while it took Theo two weeks and some camera footage to figure it out that time, now he just knows it, because Liam being mad at him could never be good news, Liam being mad at him _sucks_.

“No it’s not, I don’t want him to be mad at me or…”

“Or not liking you anymore?”

“Yes.” He shouldn’t have said that. “No.” Fuck it. _“Yes.”_

“So, let me get this straight, you don’t want to like him because you’re not ready for a new relationship, but you also don’t want him to _stop_ liking you.”

Theo frowns, because yes, basically, but he doesn’t like the way Isaac put it. It makes him sound unreasonable, when Theo has always been the most reasonable person in the room, _always._ “I…I mean, it’s complicate, it’s…”

“Wow. And I’m the asshole. Allison, did you hear that?”

“What do you mean Allison, when did she-”

“I called her as soon as it got interesting, she’s on the second line.”

“What the hell Isaac!”

“Just go upstairs and make out with your crazy neighbor, you confused bitch.” Theo can _hear_ Isaac rolling his eyes and it’s creepy and wrong, just like being called a _confused bitch_ by his only friend in town, but before he can do anything more than gasping the line goes dead.

Shit.

Theo stares at the ceiling and a lot of unwanted, annoying thinking happens without him being able to stop it. Isaac is not someone whose advise you want to follow unless you want to get fired, ostracized by your own family or just generally be labeled as rude and mean, so Theo has been right all along and _not_ kissing Liam has always been the right choice. Isaac telling him to do it just confirmed it.

He still grabs some human food and walks upstairs eventually, because no matter how uneasy the thought makes him, even Isaac must be accidentally right from time to time.

 

 

 

Liam didn’t slam the door behind him when he left, but he slams it as he opens it, already glaring at Theo, and it’s pretty impressive.  

“I brought you food.” Theo raises the poptarts between them as a shield, his most convincing smile printed on his lips. “Can I come in?”

“Obviously.” Liam snarls, his eyes saying that Theo can’t, in fact, come in, while the poptarts are more than welcome to, or at least that's what he guesses, since they already found a new home in Liam’s hands.

Theo clears his voice, hesitating on the door. “I mean, can I come in even if I’m not going to kiss you?”

“Oh my god yes, don’t make a big deal out of it, I’m not here begging you for a kiss or anything, actually I’ll let you know that I can get a kiss from anyone else whenever I want, people  _throw_  themselves at me when I go to Sinema.”

Theo chuckles softly as Liam storms away in the kitchen, finally stopping to try to burn him alive with his eyes. He starts opening every sideboard instead until he settles for placing the box inside a covered pot and Theo wants to ask him who the hell is he hiding the poptarts from since he lives alone.

His mouth has a different question. “Then why are you still single?”

“Because I hate people that throw themselves at other people, like the fuck is wrong with them, personal space is a thing. And I never go to Sinema anyway, I always get into fights and I get thrown out.”

Theo leans against the table and he can easily picture Liam’s annoyed expression as a bunch of guys try to flirt with him without success. The fact that it’s also so natural to immediately see himself standing next to him, even more annoyed at every guy that so much as look at Liam, is the exact reason why it’s a good thing that their meetings all happen inside the walls of their apartments.  

“Would you come with me to Sinema? If I stopped people from throwing themselves at you?”

Liam freezes, clearly taken aback. Theo should be too, but the sad truth is that he’s now completely used to his mouth being an enemy of his brain and his general wellbeing, just blurting out stuff that shouldn’t even be thought in the first place.

“Would I? You just have to ask and find out.” Liam smirks and his head does some weird, allusive swinging that has his brain hitting something, because just as fast he adds _:_ “Yes I would, I would come to Sinema with you, are we going? Tomorrow?”

 _No we’re not, I’m not stupid!_ Theo screams, but only inside his head.

“Sure” He says instead, because _oh, he is_ stupid, and then his brain regains control of his mouth for a brief second and adds: “But like, I meant as friends.”

 _No you didn’t!_ His mouth calls him out angrily but without making a sound, because the brain is still in control. Not that Liam would have heard it anyway, since he’s busy with… _that_. What _that_ is, Theo has no idea.

He's not exactly upset, Theo wouldn’t say so, because Liam is technically smiling. Is it the most scary smile Theo ever saw, all plastic and trembling lips and hysteric twinges that betray the need for a scream? Sure, but still. A smile is a smile and no one smiles when upset, so Liam is fine and Theo has nothing to worry about.

“Yes, obviously, as friends. No changes. The fridge and the ex. We talked about that already. Friends.” That’s not how Liam’s voice usually sounds, while on the other hand that's totally how a high pitched dog whistle sounds, and Theo’s ears may be close to bleeding, but that's still some kind of smile on Liam's lips, so he’s not upset. “Are we going?”

Theo smiles too, just to further prove that they’re all smiling and so no one could possibly be upset. “Yes, we’re going. Come knock at my door after dinner tomorrow.”

Liam keeps pointing that scary smile –but a smile nonetheless, so it’s all good- at him even as he retreats quickly towards the exit and it could be a muffled scream what Theo hears as soon as the door closes behind him, but it could also be an earthquake shake, so really, nothing to worry about.

He’s so glad Liam is not mad or upset anymore. All's well that ends well. 

 

 

 

“So, we have a date as friends.”

  
“A date as friends.”

“Yes.”

“This is animal cruelty, Raeken.”

“He’s not a fucking dog, stop it! And it’s not cruel! Friends go out all the time, there’s nothing wrong with going to Sinema together, Liam knows it’s just as friends, I told him and he wasn’t upset, he smiled and he’s okay with it. I’m not being cruel. I literally told him, so we’re all on the same page. The same friendly page. People scream for all kinds of reason anyway. Isaac, say I’m not being cruel.”  
“You can lie to yourself just fine without my help, see you tomorrow loser.”

“I’m not being cruel!” Theo screams to the phone even if Isaac already hung up.

“I’m not being cruel.” He repeats aloud, because it’s true.

The wall doesn’t answer, but Theo can feel its unimpressed look staring back at him, raising its inexistent brows in a skeptical scoff, because the wall of his living room is now judging him, that’s where he’s at.

“Fuck off.” He mutters, almost throwing a pillow against it, and he likes to tell himself that it’s because he’s too smart to fight with a wall that he chooses not to in the end, and not because his paychecks don’t allow him to mistreat his expensive silk pillows like that.

He’s getting better and better at this lying to himself thing anyway.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Liam POV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15499173/chapters/37305686)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this whole chapter in one sitting in like one hour and it's still one hour too much for how it turned out, so I'm probably not going to check for typos until tomorrow (or never, really), but yeah, I still hope it's somehow enjoyable for someone!

 

If Theo was a good person, if he genuinely cared about Liam at all, he would show up completely unattractive to their not-a-date, just to make sure things stay friendly. He would work out just before going out and then throw on himself the ugliest pieces of clothes of his wardrobe, without even showering first, because what can make a crush go away faster than bad personal hygiene? Theo would just _smell_ Liam out of his feelings for him and things would suddenly become easier for both of them, simple as that, because sometimes being a good person is as easy as choosing to look ugly for a single night.

Theo is an asshole but a hot one and he showered three times already and he’s been styling his hair for fifteen minutes now.

“Did you received my pics?” He asks Isaac holding his phone against his ear as he turns around to check the way his tight jeans hug his ass in the mirror. _Perfect._ “Shirt number one or shirt number two?”

“Look, Raeken, I don’t know what it was exactly in our common past that led you to believe that you’re allowed to send me pictures of your outfits like a fifteen years old girl, it was probably my fault and I apologise for that, I must have faked a smile at you one too many times but Melissa is after my ass with that _being nice_ thing, you know, but let me fix that right now: we’re not friends and whether you wear the white shirt, the pink one or an actual trash bag at your dates makes no difference at all to my life.”

“It’s the pink one, isn’t it? I think it really makes the green of my eyes jump out.”

“The first thing I’m doing as soon as Melissa finally leaves the cafe to me is firing you.”

“Remember when she was sick and she left me in charge of everything because she, and I quote, _wouldn’t leave you in charge of a dead fly?_ ”

“That was a joke.” Isaac mutters and Melissa should joke more often if that means Theo’s pay checks would grow as much as they did that week. “You should know all about jokes, since your life is one. Also, _wasn’t_ the plan to look ugly?”

Theo scoffs because so he _did_ listen to him that morning, even if he was trying so hard to look bored. “The plan changed.” He sighs and he has to look away from the mirror as his own eyes stare back at him in silent judging. “It was a stupid plan, he’s my neighbour, he _knows_ I’m hot, I can’t hide it. I tried, but it doesn’t work, no matter what I do, I still look hot.”

“Truly tragic. I hope you find it in yourself to be strong even when life is so hard on you.”

“Isaac, _please.”_

“Yes, fine, the pink shirt shows off your abs just perfectly for your plan of having your crazy neighbour crush on you even harder just so you can keep refusing him cruelly, so wear that one and have fun torturing him.”

“That’s not the plan, Isaac!” Theo protests heatedly but the line has already gone dead. “That’s not the plan.” He repeats weakly to the empty room and the bell rings before he can asks himself what exactly the plan is or if there even is still one.

 

“Wow.” If a plan was still there in his brain, it dissipates without leaving traces the second he opens the door and set his eyes on Liam. “You’re…”

“Pretty hot, I know.” Liam nods with a knowing smile, gesturing at himself smugly. “It took no effort at all. I’m just this hot.” He shrugs looking all proud of himself and for a while there’s just silence as they both admire Liam’s beauty, before he seems to remember other people exist too. “You’re hot too.” He concedes and Theo smiles warmly. _Thank god he screwed the plan and showered._

 “Thanks. It took me some effort.” He admits honestly because now he sees it, he thought he had some kind of power there, with his styled hair and his abs and the pink shirt, but Liam showed up with eyeliner around his eyes and it’s not like Theo didn’t already notice the baby blue of his iris but now he feels like he’s being punched in the face by it and _oh,_ he’s so loosing this war.

He spent hours trying to look as hot as he could and all Liam needed to kill him was a bit of black on his eyes and wearing something different than his usual oversized clothes. A shirt of the right size on his neighbor and Theo is done. That’s just sad. How does Liam even have all this muscles when he eats like shit and the only work out he does is running downstairs to throw himself on Theo’s couch to watch Netflix is beyond him. He shouldn’t have such a perfect body, it makes no sense. It’s not fair. 

“So, shall we?” Theo clears his voice and grabs his jacket, just to do something other than _stare_. This has not started well. 

“I need to go change my shirt.” His super confident twin that bragged about his beauty until then suddenly disappears and Liam looks at the floor, embarrassed. “This one leaves me naked when I do this, look.” He suddenly raises his arms midair, immediately exposing the naked skin of his waist where his skinny jeans hug it tightly. And Theo looks. Because, well, he was asked to.

There’s a lot going on there, a thick trail of dark hair starting under his belly button and disappearing under the blue band of a pair of boxer peaking from the waistband of his jeans, and skin so white and soft looking that Theo can’t help but wonder just _how red it_ would turn if he just knelt and bite it as he so desperately wants to, and what the hell is up with those abs, it has to be a joke, how can Liam just have _abs_ with a lifestyle like his, it’s so unbelievable and unfair and still it doesn’t make Theo want to lick them any less. _Oh God no._ Licking abs is so not friendly and they’re having a friendly date. Friends, friends, they’re going out as friends. He tries to force it in his mind but he would have better luck in doing it if Liam would just put his arms back down. What does he think he’s doing attacking him like that right on his doorstep?

“It’s nice, don’t change it.” Theo says when he finally finds the strength of moving his gaze up again, but meeting Liam’s gorgeous eyes is not an improvement to his situation at all, so he just sprints towards the door.

“Don’t tell me what to do” Liam mutters following him and that’s it, Theo _did_ try to escape, it’s not his fault if Liam didn’t understand and went after him. Whatever happens tonight is not Theo’s responsibility anymore.

And Isaac can go fuck himself, really. _He’s_ the one being tortured here, not the other way around. 

 

 

As soon as they get into Theo’s truck, Liam starts fuming.

“What are you thinking about?” Theo chuckles amused as Liam glares out of the window, clearly lost in some deep thoughts. He jumps startled when he hears Theo’s voice, as if he suddenly remembered he wasn’t alone in the car.

“Nothing, I hope Scott doesn’t think I abandoned him or something.”

“We left ten minutes ago.”

“He gets anxious when I’m gone.” Liam insists, as if he didn’t spend hours hanging out at Theo’s without his dog almost every day. Still, he doesn’t call him out on that and just keeps driving, at least until Liam lets out a deep shaky breath, as if he was trying to calm himself.

“Liam? Something’s wrong?”

Liam immediately shakes his head, breathing deeply. “No, it’s just, can you lower the window a little?”

“Sure.”

The cold wind stroking his face and neck seems to help and Liam slowly stops looking distressed.

“Are you okay?” Theo asks after a while, guilt tightening its grip on his stomach. So Isaac is right and he _is_ torturing him, making him all anxious and stuff. Is that because Theo confused him again with the friendly date? “We can totally go back home and watch something if you prefer.”

“No, I’m okay” Liam shakes his head eagerly. “I’m just...I’m happy. That we’re doing this.”

Theo keeps watching the road but the guilt immediately leaves place to a fond smile: he’s happy. Liam is happy. Specifically, Liam is happy of spending the evening with him. And Theo is too, happy, so again, Isaac can shut up. They’re both happy and they’re doing nothing wrong.

“I’m happy too.” He says moving one hand from the steering wheel to quickly ruffle Liam’s hair.

Liam leans into the touch eagerly and it’s good that he has to watch the road, because if not Theo would have kissed him already.

 

***

 

Liam throws his head back and Theo can hear his laughter even over the loud music thundering from the speakers not far from them. The bright red drink in his hand threatens to overflow the plastic cup, but Liam doesn’t care, he just keeps gesticulating widely to imitate Theo’s poor dance moves and he’s so pretty that Theo doesn’t even have a problem with the fact that he’s mercilessly mocking him. So what if he can’t dance, it’s not a secret nor a shame for him, there’s plenty of other things he can do. Like being able to stand for example, which, after a few hours into Sinema, soon goes from being a shared ability to something only Theo can do properly.

It starts when Liam tells the barman _“You should give me a free drink because I’m effortlessly hot and if I lift my arms my shirt does this”_ and the barman actually laughs instead of having him kicked out when Liam throws his arms up and shows everyone his mysterious abs –they should just _not_ be there, it makes no sense. “ _I also have blue eyes, you can’t miss them because they’re circled”_ Liam adds and that’s when the barman accepts to give him a free shot, because people just don’t know how to be professional when working apparently.

Theo would have been annoyed at that, but as soon as he got his tequila, Liam also asked for another one for Theo because _‘he’s hotter than the sun’_ and while that made Theo’s cheeks turn ridiculously red, it also made the barman take a liking for Liam’s boldness, which eventually led to the situation they’re in now, after too many free drinks.

The situation being Liam insisting they’re dancing while he’s just completely slumped in his arms, almost lifeless as Theo slowly swings them both on the spot.

Theo has nothing against that particular situation to be honest, of course it was more fun when Liam was still alive and they were actually dancing together, but having him resting carelessly against his body, hugging him as if his life depended on it, is not unpleasant either.

It’s just that Theo got drunk one too many times to let Liam slow dance his way through the worst hangover of his life without even trying to save him some pain, so eventually he reluctantly leaves him on one of the couches next to the dance floor and hurries to the bar.

“Don’t worry about it, just make sure your boyfriend gets home safe” The barman smiles at him as Theo tries to pay for the bottle of water he just handed him.

“Oh no, he’s not my...we’re friends.”

“Ah. Well, that’s better actually. We really don’t need another fight in the club.”

“What?” Theo frowns confused and the barman just nods towards a point behind him.

Theo turns around and his eyes go from the empty couch where he left Liam to the dance floor in a matter of seconds. The plastic bottle squeaks in his hand when he spots him, his eyes closed and his head thrown back as a blonde guy appeared from fucking nowhere moves his hands all over him, firmly pressed against his back.

The DJ incites everyone to throw their hands on the air and Theo almost sends someone on the floor as he crosses the dance floor in two seconds, his eyes not leaving the scene in front of him. Liam is swinging his hands in the air in some drunk attempt at dancing and his shirt left his hips and stomach completely exposed to the blonde guy who doesn’t waste a second to move his hands there. Theo has to take a deep breath to convince himself to move his tongue and not his fist.

“Hey, he’s drunk, can’t you see? Get off him.”

At the sound of his voice Liam immediately smiles, going as far as to half  open his eyes and taking an unsteady step towards him, just to fall back against the blonde guy’s chest as he immediately yanks him back by his waist. Theo’s left hand starts to hurt from how hard he's gripping the bottle.

“We’re having fun, can’t you see?” Blonde guy spits out annoyed and that’s it.

“ _Stop_  touching him” Theo growls ripping his arm away from Liam and shoving his chest hard. The guy stumbles back almost falling on his ass and Theo is already raising his arm to punch the surprised look out of his face, but Liam, still clearly unable to stand properly, decides to cling right onto his arm and Theo stops, sighing deeply. _Calm down, come on._ “You touch him again and I’ll break your jaw.”

“Listen mate, I don’t even know who you are, so fuck off, okay?” The guy grunts and then his disgusting hands are on Theo’s chest, shoving him back. Theo draws of only one step and the biggest conflict immediately arises in him between every single part of his body that screams at him to punch this guy into the outer space and the tiny voice in his brain that is aware of how Liam, drunk and barely able to stand Liam, is still holding onto his arm, and his main source of balance getting into a fight is probably not in his best interest.

Theo bits his lip as he stares at the guy’s face, wanting to punch him so bad. But Liam…

 

Liam suddenly throwing _himself_ at the guy and punching his nose spares Theo from the dilemma.   

 

***

 

“They just keep throwing me out, I don’t understand.” Liam whines as Theo keeps pushing the bottle of water against his lips. Of course he would decide to act as if a single sip of water would kill him after gulping down drink after drink all night.

“My guess is that it might have something to do with you punching the asshole.”

“He shoved you.” Liam pouts like a little kid and Theo melts a little at the fact that he tried to defend his honor even when completely unable to defend his own. 

“That’s really nice Liam, but-”

“And you punched him too.” He insists shoving the bottle away because he must really want that hangover so bad.  
“Well, he was about to kill you.”

“No he wasn’t” Liam denies and Theo knows that he genuinely _believes_ it, he saw it on his face when the guy fell on his ass after Liam punched his nose and then got back on his feet ready to kill him and Liam just smiled all smug, so stupid and fearless, ready to fight even when it was already a miracle that he was standing on his own, let alone survive a proper beating from that human tank.

 _Theo_ barely survived it.

 “And he was making you mad.” Liam insists.

Theo sighs, putting the cap back on the bottle. “He wasn’t making me mad. You were.”

“Me? I was making you mad?” Liam asks incredulous as Theo zips his own leather jacket up to his chin. Liam suddenly lowers his eyes and stares at it visibly confused, as if he had no memory of Theo offering it to him as soon as he dragged him out of the club.

 “Not mad. You were making me...you know.”

Liam just blinks and Theo can’t find a single difference between his stare and the one his goldfish always had.

“Yeah yeah yeah. Did we win.” He asks and Theo frowns, considering it. He’s almost sure Liam _did_ broke the guy’s nose with his punch and Theo did hear a satisfying crack when he punched his jaw, but he also would have probably suffocated to death if the security didn’t rip the guy from him when they were rolling on the floor and he started chocking him, so there’s that.

“Yes, we won.” He says anyway because Liam had tripped on his feet and forgot there was a fight next to him at that point, so who knows what he even saw.

“Is he dead.”

“No.” Theo chuckles shaking his head. “You’re drunk. Let’s go home.”

“Are you mad?”

“No, of course not.”

“Am I?”

“Nobody is mad. We’re going home. Does your hand hurt?”

“I punched a wall once.”

“Okay, but do you want me to stop grab some ice or-”

“I broke the wall.”

“Yes, but right now Liam, focus, does your hand-”

“I don’t feel good.”

Liam throws up and that’s how their not-a-date ends.

 

Except that it’s not.

Liam all but passes out during the ride back and Theo really hopes Mrs Jenkins doesn’t open his door right as he’s making his entrance in the building with Liam’s lifeless body in his arms and his hand fully stuck in the back pocket of his skinny jeans trying to reach his keys, which is exactly what he’s doing but would also sound like an excuse to touch a drunk person’s butt to anyone looking at him right now.

Not that Mrs Jenkins would probably care even if he _was_ trying to take advantage of Liam’s drunken state, there is some bad blood between them or something like that. Liam swears she tried to spit on his doormat once, but Liam is also forcing him to carry his dead ass upstairs because his life choices brought him to be completely lifeless, so there’s that.

Theo briefly wonders if Scott will attack him seeing him entering Liam’s flat with his owner unconscious body and just how hard can a dachshund bite hurt, but as soon as he opens the door Scott starts wiggling happily at him, completely ignoring Liam. Theo drops him gently on the bed, pets Scott to make him stop trying to have sex with his leg and places the water bottle on the bedside table, ready to retreat to his apartment now that everything is in place.

“Theo” Liam mumbles whiney as soon as he takes a step towards the door, because of course he would wake up right now. “Theo, the beetles. Can you stay? They’re going to go inside my ears, can you stay and cover my ears?”

“Nothing is going inside your ears, Liam.”

Liam groans pained as if Theo just punched him in the face. “Just stay and cover them please.” It’s dark, but Theo can still see him trying to make puppy eyes at him. He’s clearly not aware that he only managed to open one eye. The worst thing is that it works anyway.

“Fine, I’ll cover your ears.” Theo sighs, sitting on the bed next to Liam’s inert body. Liam looks at him expectantly and whatever, it’s not like Scott is going to tell anyone, so Theo brings both his hands to the sides of Liam’s head and gently cup his ears.

“Thank you” Liam closes his eyes actually looking relieved and happy now that his ears are safely covered.

“You’re ridiculous” Theo chuckles, not moving his hands.

“Thank you” Liam repeats and then he falls asleep.

 

It’s even more embarrassing now that Liam is sleeping and Theo is still doing it.

It’s funny at first, but then Theo’s arms start to ache and the realization that he has been sitting there for who knows how long staring at his hands cupping Liam’s face suddenly sinks in and he jumps back startled. This is so _not_ friendly. Especially all the things he was thinking while holding Liam like that. Totally out of line.

He looks around guiltily but Scott only starts to wiggle again when he meets his giant brown eyes, not an inch of judging in that living sausage, so Theo lets out a sigh of relief. It’s okay, nobody saw him sitting there holding Liam’s face and having not friendly thoughts about him. Isaac doesn’t know, so it’s like it didn’t happen.

He’s ready to leave now, but he still stop to take Liam’s shoes off and tuck him under the blankets, because there is nothing not strictly friendly about being a decent caring neighbor.

  

 There is definitely a spark of judgment in Scott’s eyes as Theo quickly leans over to press a gentle goodnight kiss on Liam’s forehead before leaving, but Scott also licks his butt on a daily basis so Theo will somehow manage to live with being judged by that tiny dog.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Liam POV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15499173/chapters/37903010)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually liked how the last chapter turned out, so this one is bad of course. I also think it’s fair to inform you that I don’t have it in me to write and ruin the finale from Theo’s POV too, so that one could take forever or just never come, but I feel like everyone can live with that anyway.

 

As soon as he opens his eyes the next morning Theo wonders how much longer he has to wait for it to be socially acceptable to go check on Liam and as he swallows half a liter of water in one gulp he decides that it has to be at least 2 pm, not sooner: it can’t look like he just woke up and immediately thought about him. _Especially_ because that’s exactly what happened.

He considers calling Isaac to update him about their not-a-date while he waits, but he doesn’t feel like dealing with his mean comments just yet, especially because Isaac always comes with an extra layer of evilness in the morning.

When the clock finally marks the time of being obsessed with his neighbour again, Theo gets up, brushes his teeth, runs a hand through his hair until they fall on his forehead exactly where he wants them to and proceeds to change his messy shirt with a soft, grey hoodie that fits him much better, because he’s an asshole just like that.

“Hey, I came to check on you, it’s 2 p.m.” Theo smiles with nonchalance when Liam finally opens the door, as if he just casually thought about stopping by and didn’t spend the previous five minutes out of his door waiting for the clock to mark exactly 2 p.m.

Liam squints at him all sleepy for a few seconds and then a loud sound leaves his lips as he throws himself in his arms and Theo wonders why the hell he decided to imitate an ambulance now. When the sharp noise eventually turns towards an agonizing note Theo relaxes his frown because it’s not an ambulance, Liam is just dramatically dying like he always does.  

“Theodore I’m dying, everything hurtssss.” He mumbles and his hot breath tickles Theo’s chest even through the soft fabric of the hoodie. Theo’s arms immediately and quite rudely wrap themselves around him without any kind of direction or approval from his brain.

“I know. You need coffee.”

“I need hugs.” Liam whines as if Theo’s traitorous arms weren’t hugging him right now. “I need not do die alone. Save me Theodore, please.”

“I am. Go lie on the couch while I make coff-”

“Don’t send me away please.” Liam squeezes his waist with too much strength for someone that’s supposedly dying and he’s clearly not aware of the danger of Theo throwing up on his head if he keeps doing that. He may not have drank as much as him last night, but still.

“It’s really not that far away.”

“I won’t go. I won’t ever let go. You’ll have to kill me. And you can’t because I’m already dead.” Liam mutters stubborn tightening his arms around him even more, talking exactly like someone who never saw a zombie movie in his life. Dead people that still move can totally be killed, you just have to hit the brain and that’s it.

 _Theo_ is the one that can’t be killed, since he doesn’t have a brain anymore, or else he wouldn’t stand there hugging his cute neighbor while also actively trying not to fall for him even more.

With a sigh he starts stepping forward, guiding a reluctant Liam towards the couch without breaking the hug.

“No, wait, stop, Scott is on the couch, he wants to eat me, please-”

Theo ignores him and just shoves him on the couch as quickly as he can because his crush is about to become permanent and he can only prevent that by not letting the hug reach the duration of five minutes, which is the x hour.  

“Can you feed Scott so he’ll stop eating me?” Liam mutters weakly after a while and Theo glances at him from the kitchen, completely slumped on the couch with Scott on his chest busy licking his chin.

“He’s washing you, not eating you.” Theo says but he fills Scott’s bowl anyway. The little dachshund immediately jumps from the couch and darts towards it like a lightning bolt, starting to swallow everything without even chewing. Kinda like Liam eats now that Theo thinks about it.

“I’m already clean.”

“No you’re not.” Theo mutters bitterly between his teeth. “That asshole touched you everywhere.”

“He didn’t touch the back of my knee. Or the inside of my nostrils. Or-” Liam keeps his nonsense going, all lighthearted and unbothered, as if he didn’t care at all that a stranger had his hands all over him less than twenty-four hours before, which annoys Theo a lot because it makes the fact that _he_ cares even more inappropriate. Why should he be bothered by it if Liam isn’t? It really shouldn’t concern him-

He still shoves the cup of coffee in his mouth to shut him up.

“Better?” He asks pretty uselessly because Liam just pretended to choke to death.  
“No.” Liam pouts managing to look actually sad before lifting his arms towards him in a clear hug request, his eyes widening comically in that way of his of trying to look miserable enough and force things out of Theo. But he got it all wrong, Theo is not his personal emotional comfort dispenser, he can stay like that and make puppy eyes all he wants, Theo is not going to give in this time. The safe hug limit has been reached for the day, so he just walks away to wash his cup. Liam can go ask Asshole Face to come and give him some hugs anyway, since he didn’t apparently mind being touched by him.

When he puts the cup back in the cupboard with a bit too much force Theo decides that it’s time to go back to his own apartment, since he came to check on Liam and Liam has been already checked on, but when he turns back from the kitchen the idiot is still there, his arms still lifted in the air and his eyes fixed on him in one of his best miserable look up to date. But it’s not that as much as the fact that he’s still wearing Theo’s leather jacket from the previous night, the fact that he slept in it and Theo likes it a bit too much, and before he knows it he _is_ walking downstairs towards his apartment, but Liam is with him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck as Theo carries him home.

 _Mine,_ he thinks as he covers them both with his favorite fluffy blanket and Liam shifts to settle more comfortably against him, his breathing already slowing down in the haze that precedes sleep. There is some talking in the drowsiness and when Liam calls him perfect, his eyes already closed, Theo might or might have not said it back, just before closing his eyes too.

His brain doesn’t agree with any of that, but with Liam sleeping on top of him and crushing the last remaining common sense he had left it’s extraordinarily easy to ignore it.

 

 

Theo dreams of punching Asshole Face again and wakes up to Liam punching him instead. 

“Sorry, sorry, keep sleeping” Liam apologies removing his elbow – _elbow, not punch_ \- from his ribs and then he knees him in the balls.

 

 

“I’m sorry.” Liam repeats for the third time before going back to drink all the water in the house. “You were in the way to be fair, that was my side of the couch, but I’m sorry, I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I really hope so.” Theo mutters with his lips still contorted in a pained grimace. This is what he gets for acting against his own brain. “Could you bring me some water too?”

Liam starts acting weird at that point, so Theo sends him upstairs to take a shower because being kicked on the balls somehow freed him from the blindfold of love that wrapped all his senses until that point, and without that, well, Liam stinks.

 

 

 ***

Liam doesn’t come back after the shower, even if Theo is pretty sure they mentioned having dinner together before falling asleep on the couch earlier, so he make pancakes to bribe him back into his apartment. He keeps hearing Isaac’s voice calling Liam a dog and he feels slightly guilty about that, but it works. The pancakes are still warm when Liam comes back sniffing the air.

 

 

They’re giggling and tickling each other in a totally _good friends no homo way_ recalling memories from last night when Deaton suddenly knocks at the door to accuse them of obscene acts in public place, like one does.

“She said that your limbs were, and I quote, all tangled up in each other’s,” He keeps explaining when Theo just blinks in shock. What the hell? He thought Mrs Jenkins _liked_ him, he always helps her carry her groceries bags to her door, he even stopped Liam from stealing her doormat just the other day and now she does this? “Mr Dunbar’s legs around your waist and his face on your neck, clearly in the middle of moving a sexual act from his apartment to yours.”

“She’s hallucinating.” Liam nods quickly, not looking surprised in the slightest. “She’s dangerous. She needs to be put out of her misery. Or at least out of the building. We’ll help her move her things out.”

 _“Liam.”_  Theo firmly grabs his shoulder because Liam seems very determinate in his goal of assaulting their eighty years old neighbor. “The stairs are not a public place by the way, but besides that, I assure you no obscene act was involved. He was sleeping and I carried him downstairs, that’s all.”

“Yes, that’s all.” Liam confirms, sounding quite bitter about it. “A sexual act? Me and him? That would be madness.” Theo has found himself low-key obsessed with his neighbor’s laugh in the past few weeks, going as far as to think, in his cheesiest moments, that there’s no better sound in the world, but even if that wasn’t the case he would still be able to tell how fake Liam’s laugh is right now, all loud and messy and immediately cut short when he turns to stare at Theo all of a sudden. “Wouldn’t it? Like, we would never, right?” His eyes are eager but before Theo can even think about moving his lips he’s back to Deaton. “Just because we went on a date it doesn’t mean we’re having sex now, that’s not how it works, I can’t believe you just came here assumin-”

“It wasn’t a date, I thought we cleared that up.” Theo interrupts him hesitant because he didn’t manage to call it not-a-date in his head for the past twenty-four hours just for Liam to blurt that out in front of their administrator.

“Yeah yeah, what did I just said? Not a date, never a date.” He dismisses Theo absently with a wave of his hand, as if his lips weren’t now almost white from the force he’s pressing them against each other with _. Shit._ “He won’t even kiss me, you know. But he’ll get all mad and jealous if someone else touches me, because this is how it works nowadays.” Deaton opens his mouth a few times just to close it again without a sound and that’s also how Theo feels. Liam just nods sympathetic. “I know, go figure.”

“Liam...”

“But you know who practices obscene acts in public places on a regular basis?” Liam continues and it must be the first time in his life Theo is happy of being ignored: it’s not like he had a plan on how to actually continue the sentence. Liam what? _Liam please stop exposing the asshole that I am?_ _Liam please shut up so I can keep living in denial land?_ “Nolan and Brett, that’s who. They threw a used condom on my balcony a few weeks ago, but I don’t see you interrogating them for that. They also have a  _Nett_ heart on their doorbell, how is that? Wasn’t it against the rules? Wasn’t this why I had to delete my dog’s name from my doorbell? Why is my dog worth less than the fact that they bang, mh?”

“I’m glad we cleared this out.” Deaton says extremely gleefully and then he vanishes leaving behind just the sound of his quick footsteps on the stairs and Theo wishes he could run too. There’s no way Liam would keep up with him if he did, who knows when was the last time he ran somewhere that wasn’t towards some deep fried over caloric comfort food.

“Make them delete it!” Liam screams at the stairs and Theo just stares at him in silence. He _does_ have muscles and abs though, as he recently find out, so maybe he knows how to run too. What does Theo really knows about this Liam guy after all? Except that he’s a cute weirdo and that he’s messing with his head?

“What.” Liam growls, finally moving his eyes on him and _oh, he’s pissed._

“Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” Theo offers politely, immediately putting on his most mature _always ready to talk and solve problems not ignoring anything at all_  face. If Liam says yes he’ll just run, and then they’ll see if those muscles are just for show.

 “No.” Liam growls again and a sigh of relief leaves Theo’s lips. Thank god they’re not doing it.

“Okay.” He smiles delighted that he gets to ignore his problems some more. “Wanna watch some Netflix?”

Liam is all reluctant grunts and pouting after that, but he agrees to stay with Theo as long as they watch something splatter enough to placate his sudden need of blood and he doesn’t bite Theo’s hand when he oh so casually throws his left arm around his shoulders. He just stays perfectly still, his own arms crossed on his chest and his stare busy glaring at the screen, not giving any sign of acknowledgment of Theo’s new position arrangement. That is until Theo’s brain eventually overdoses from the Liam exposure and mistakes his _cute pouting actually about to murder someone_ face for a _cute pouting need a kiss on my cheek_ face.

It’s a mistake.

 _“Fuck you_.” Liam snaps as soon as Theo’s lips brushes his cheek because turns out he didn’t, in fact, needed a kiss on his cheek, and he’s now shoving him back with once again too much strength for someone that only lifts bags of chips in his life.

Theo blinks completely stunned, his brain unresponsive and apparently not willing to take any responsibility for its misleading suggestions. “What?”

“I said fuck you, Theodore.” Liam repeats just as passionately, standing up angrily, which is not the same as being angry and also happening to stand up, there’s a clear purpose of making the action of leaving the couch as furious as it can get, as if he wanted to headbutt the ceiling and make it fall on Theo’s head.

“I heard that.” Theo clears his voice, immediately recomposing himself, in that annoying way that he always had of externalize internal panic with total, unbreakable calm. “I mean, why?”

“Because you’re a fucking asshole, that’s why. You’re just...you stay there looking all nice and soft and cuddly, all hot and smart and perfect, like the charming prince who?, giving me foods and hugs and kisses,” Liam keeps growling viciously and Theo has never been insulted in a most flattering way. “But you know what? You’re a villain.”

Theo blinks. “I’m a villain.” He repeats stupidly just to buy himself some time, as if he didn’t knew exactly what Liam is talking about. Of course he’s the villain, he styled his hair and dressed up all nicely for their date instead of showing up ugly and he has been the villain ever since.

“Yes, you’re the fucking villain in this story.”

“I thought Mrs Jenkins was the villain.” Theo stands up from the couch too, taking an hesitant step forward. Liam clearly has a crush on him, it shouldn’t be that difficult to distract him and leading the conversation back to a less dangerous topic, one they can use to argue and flirt and just basically doing their thing, the one where they both like each other but don’t talk about it and Theo is still an asshole but no one except Isaac actually says it to his face. “Actually, I’m pretty sure I heard you call Deaton that too, and Brett and Nol-”

“I kissed you!” Liam shouts loudly and Theo freezes on the spot, just now realizing that Liam _does_ have a crush on him, yes, but he also has anger issues and Theo is so close to get punched. _Abort, abort abort._ “I kissed you and you pretend like I didn’t.” Liam continues and being punched actually doesn’t sound that bad compared to having to hear his voice shake like that.

“I’m not pretending” Theo murmurs in a weak attempt to justify himself, but he’s the first one not to believe it. “I explained to you-”

“Yes, you don’t want me because you’re still thinking about your ex, tragic, but why do you keep hugging me then? Why you keep...you’re not supposed to do that. Nice people don’t that. If you know someone has feelings for you, you can’t just...I’m not a toy. Just tell me to fuck off so I can get over you. I can’t get you out of my head if you keep doing this.”

“Liam...”

“ _I like you!_  I’m not going to pretend I don’t, so just tell me to fuck off and stop giving me hopes!”

“That’s the last thing I want, I-” Theo instinctively steps closer moving his hands towards Liam’s trying to do god knows what, but before he can even reach him he’s getting shoved away again, almost falling back on the couch.  

“I don’t care what you want, just tell me to-”

_“Then fuck off!”_

Liam immediately closes his mouth and it takes Theo several long seconds to realize it was his voice the one shouting so loud. It also takes him a while to notice the unshed tears in Liam’s eyes.

“Liam, wait.” He says but he doesn’t reach for him as he storms away and it’s not because he’s so getting punched if he touches him now. His legs almost hurt from the need to run after him, but Theo not listening to his brain, Theo not having a plan, is what led him to hurt Liam so bad he almost cried in front of him in the first place, and that stops now.

 

 

It stops starting from  _now,_ okay, because his brain didn’t tell Theo to punch the wall, but he still did it, and his hand aches so bad that he almost cries, but he doesn’t, because Liam is right and he is the villain.

Theo is the villain and he doesn’t get to cry.

 

                                                                                                                                                       

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Liam POV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15499173/chapters/38019527)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to the end! I secretly hate this story and if it disappears from my profile in the future it means that I orphaned it like the bad parent that I always knew I was going to be, but since 1. I like _some_ parts of it and 2. Some of you are really good at pretending you like it, which I appreciate, I won’t ever delete delete it, meaning it will still be on the site, just not on _my_ profile, which actually makes for awesome parenting now that I think about it because this is what you’re supposed to do when you feel like murdering your child, not do that and just sending them on their way after disowning them.  
> (I will never have kids don’t worry)  
>  Anyway, thank you all for reading until the end! You’re a lot cooler than the people that stopped before! (We can talk behind their back since they’re not here shhhh) (and if you’re here you’re one of the cool people)  (or  you just have no standards whatsoever)  (still cool)

 

_Day one after making Liam cry._

“Can I have a pumpkin spice iced latte please?”

Theo moves his eyes from the dump cloth he held in his hand for the last five minutes without actually getting any cleaning done with it and smiles sadly at the teen girl looking at him from the other side of the counter.

“Yes, sure.” He nods automatically because that’s exactly why he’s there in the first place, making pretty drinks to people just so they can post them on Instagram with unfunny caption. Not that Theo ever stopped to think much about his customers choice of drink before, but he remembers like it was yesterday Liam’s bitter rent on how he should be the only one allowed to order pumpkin spices latte for a long complicated reasoning Theo didn’t quite followed. He wonders what kind of other thought processes have been happening in Liam’s unpredictable mind since yesterday, since Theo accidentally put tears in his eyes, and just how insulting they are. “I guess I can make that for you. Making someone happy instead of making them cry, sounds nice for a change. Just give me a second.”

The girl glances at him a bit perplexed but still smiles politely and Theo turns his back to her, starting working on her order, while a part of him imagines showing up on Liam’s door to inform him that he refused to serve a pumpkin latte to a girl at work just for him. It’s ridiculous and he keeps preparing her drink of course, because he needs the money, but he can’t help but going back to that scenario. Would that make Liam happy? Would that be enough to fix whatever it is that Theo screwed up so badly?

It doesn’t really matter, since while his brain is lost in a fantasy world where he’s not a selfish asshole, his hands just placed the drink in front of the girl, letting Liam down one more time.

“Err, I asked for an iced latte. This is...”

“Hot.” Theo realises staring powerless at the almost invisible lines of smoke coming from the foamy cup. _Shit._ He messed up again. “I’m so sorry. I told you I was going to make you an iced latte and instead I gave you exactly the contrary of what you wanted. And I wasn’t lying, you see, I thought I was doing it right and I didn’t want to mess up your order, I swear, but...actually scratch that. What does it matter what I thought? I still messed up, I still hurt you. You have every right to hate me and I have no right to feel bad about it. This isn’t about me and my feelings, it’s about _you_.”

“Wait, I don’t hate you, just-”

“And if you want to speak to the manager right now, I understand that. I deserve to get fired.”

“Actually, you know what? I like hot latte better! Don’t worry, it’s okay! See?” The drink is still smoking but the girl brings it to her lips anyway and takes a long sip, possibly burning her tongue. “Mmm, so good. Love it.”

She’s not a Karen, she’s a nice, understanding young girl and Theo just feels even more shittier. He should never be allowed human interactions again.

“And now I’m guilt tripping you into drinking this hot latte even if we both know that that’s not what you wanted. This is all I’m good at.”

“No please, don’t say t-”

“Oh my god, is he being pathetic again? Theo, what did I tell you about being pathetic in front of the customers, just go cry in the bathroom if you need it. Melissa! Theo is being pathetic again!”

In normal circumstances Theo would get annoyed and bite back, but Isaac screaming that he’s being pathetic for the whole cafe to hear is exactly what he deserves.

“Stop being mean Isaac” Allison suddenly appears next to them, brutally whipping Isaac with a cloth and proceeding to smile gently at the customer. “Forgive them, I’ll make your latte again in a second, you can sit at whatever table you prefer in the meantime. Theo, the bathroom is free if you need it.”

“I don’t need to cry in the bathroom” Theo immediately points out because while he accepted his new condition as a pathetic human being, he didn’t reach that level of pathetic just yet. “I don’t cry in the bathroom.” He repeats to the girl too and she nods quickly, her eyes showing that she doesn’t believe him. He’s already crying in the bathroom in this young girl’s head, Theo can see it. She’ll tell all her classmates about it and Theo will forever be the one barista that fucks up pumpkin spice lattes and cries in the bathroom because of it.

“Yeah forgive us, I tried to get him fired but you can get away with anything when you have a pretty face.” Isaac says loudly as the girl all but runs to the table furthest from the counter.

“Isaac, in the kitchen. _Now.”_

Isaac rolls his eyes, but even if Melissa is barely peering from the kitchen door, the threatening way she’s holding her wooden ladle is still perfectly evident, so he follows through without protesting.

“He’s right.” Theo sighs even if Allison is paying more attention to the drink she’s making than him. “I get away with stuff because I’m pretty and that’s not fair. That shouldn’t give me the right to hurt people or-”

“Theo, honey, go home for today okay?” Melissa adds quickly glancing at him with pity, as if he was the victim and not the villain here. “You’re too lovesick to work today.”

“I’m not sick, I’m an asshole” Theo protests, but he still goes home because no asshole would ever say no to a day off.

 

 

He waits exactly until the end of Isaac’s shift to call him, perfectly aware that he will piss him off even more than usual by doing that, but he can’t help it.

“He hates me.”

“Now _, that_ you don’t know, while on the other hand I’ve been telling you that I hate you for the past two months, but I don’t see you worrying about that.”

“And maybe it’s good that he hates me, you know, so he can get over his feelings for me and be okay and happy again, but I can’t stand it, I _hate_ that he hates me, it makes me physically sick and-wait, someone’s at the door, stay in lin-”

“Oh thank god.”

Isaac hangs up.

Theo tightens his fingers on the door handle and takes a deep breath waiting a few seconds before opening the door. If it’s Liam, he’ll take it. The insults, the screaming, he’ll even let him throw beetles at him if that’s what he wants to do. He won’t be brave or dignified about it, but he’ll take it.

It’s not Liam.

“Err, hello?” He asks hesitant to the two strangers staring quite hostilely at him.

The black man speaks first. “You’re Theo.” And he says it as if Theo was supposed to apologise for that.

“I am...” Theo confirms as apologetically as he can. It’s not even a lie, he truly is sorry for being Theo, he’s just not sure who these men are and how they know he deserve to be glared at.

“This is Corey, my fiancé, and I am Mason.” There’s a pregnant pause and the glare, while already pretty impressive, somehow intensifies. “ _Liam’s best friend_.”

Oh god. Theo widens his eyes in shock, unable to form any kind of answer to that. This is the famous Mason, Liam’s best friend, Liam’s _only_ friend. And he’s not imaginary, he’s not someone from first grade who lost contact with him ages ago, he’s here and he’s real and he actually exists. He exists and _he’s pissed._

“I was just now upstairs to check on him and see how he’s doing, because weirdly enough I _care_ about him, you know, as decent human beings do, caring about each other and making sure nobody gets hurt in the process, usually by just being honest and clear instead of leading people on, something only two of the three people here can relate to-”

“You’re not one of the two people” The one called Corey points out coldly.

“-And he asked me to give you your jacket back.” Mason concludes and it’s only then that Theo notices his leather jacket held tightly on the other man’s hand. He knows better than to try and reach for it. “You know, the jacket you gave to him the other night, during your _date_.”

He says _date_ with so much hate, staring right into Theo’s soul, as if he was daring him to correct him on his choice of words. Theo has a strong feeling that if he was about to do so, they would both jump on him without hesitation.

“A date is what two people do when they _both_ like each other.” Corey points out again and there’s something in his face that tells Theo that they just want an excuse to beat him up.

 “Okay.” He nods carefully, wondering if it would also be appropriate to bare his neck at them like animals do to show submission. Mason looks like he hasn’t hit the gym in a while and Corey’s arms are the skinnier he ever saw human arms ever look, Theo is pretty sure he could easily take them both if it came down to that, but Theo is already the villain in this story and the last thing he needs is to beat up Liam’s only friend and his fiancé.

Eventually Mason moves his hand towards him without breaking eye contact, but it’s not the hand holding the jacket.

“Oh, sorry, I handed you the wrong item.” He says and his voice confirms that he absolutely did it on purpose and wants Theo to know that too. “This is my katana, not your jacket.”

“I can see that.” Theo replies without moving.

“A katana, in case you didn’t know, is a sword.” Corey clarifies.  

Theo did know that.

“A sword that I use in self defence to stab anyone that tries to hurt me or the people I care about, like for example my boyfriend, my grandma or _my friends_.” Mason continues and he’s still pointing the katana at Theo.  

“Especially his _best_ friend.” There’s something so glacial in Corey’s voice and no one with arms so skinny should have any business looking that dangerous.

Theo doesn’t say anything and quite some time passes like that, because he was ready to have beetles thrown at him, he can handle being glared at in silence for a few minutes. Eventually Mason makes a sudden theatrical movement, as if he was about to stab Theo, stops at the last second and stares Theo down a bit more before handing him his jacket.

“I hope we’re clear.” He concludes deadly serious and turns to leave.

“If not” Corey adds and makes a stabbing gesture of his own before leaving as well, and Theo just blinks, wondering if they knew the katana was still in its sheath.

 

Theo tries to go back to his day of sorrow and self hatred as if nothing happened, but he can’t stop thinking about it. He has just been threatened with a katana still in its sheath by two guys whose heads were smaller than his left bicep and somehow the most ridiculous thing about it is that a part of him feels weirdly relieved.

It’s not like Liam can’t defend himself because he’s even too good at it, but it’s nice that Mason exists after all and he’s ready to try and threaten someone bigger than him for his best friend. Liam deserves someone sticking up for him for a change.

 

What Liam also deserves is an apology and that’s why Theo is finally knocking on his door.

That and because the idea of Liam hating him is slowly killing him from the inside.

“Did you by chance just sent me two guys with a katana?” He asks to the closed door after it became evident that Liam is not going to open. “It was in its sheath, so it wasn’t really threatening like they seemed to think it was, but still, I take you’re still mad? Liam?”

He knocks again but if Liam doesn’t want to talk to him he could camp outside of his door and still solve nothing, so he just sighs, resigned to do it like that.

“Hey, you know that I’m sorry and I care about you, right? That I didn’t mean it? It’s just…look, can you let me in please? Mrs Jenkins is listening to everything I’m saying. I can see her door open downstairs, I think you were right all along about her, she’s a villain. But I promise you I’m not, or at least I don’t want t-”

_“Do you plan on talking to the door for much longer? Just go already, you’re too hot for him anyway!”_

_“_ Just mind your own business!” Theo shouts back to Nolan, spying creepily at him from upstairs. “Well, you’re not even answering Nolan, so I guess you really don’t want to talk right now. I’ll just go then.” He continues more quietly, kneeling down to slip a piece of paper under the door. “These are my credentials, so you can watch Netflix without me if you want. But I really hope you don’t continue Game of  Thrones, we should finish it together. I mean, we shouldn’t _,_   but I’d love to. Okay, I’m going now. Goodnight. I’m downstairs if you need me. For anything.”

“I could use your Netflix credentials too!”

“God, will you shut up?!” Theo shouts exasperated. He’s starting to understand why Liam hates that guy so much. “And stop eavesdropping!”

“It’s not eavesdropping, it’s called having ears, okay?” Nolan replies bitter suddenly making his way downstairs with his giant pitbull.

“It’s called not having a job or anything better to do other than spy other people” Theo says in a perfect example of how not to talk to a giant pitbull owner.

As he gets violently licked to death by Nolan’s dog, now resting his thirty pounds entirely on his chest, he can hear Scott’s barking furiously through the door.

Still no sign of Liam, because he now hates him so much that he apparently doesn’t even care if a pitbull mauls him alive on his doorstep.

 

 

_Day two after making Liam cry._

Theo places himself right in front of his open balcony door before singing _ain’t no sunshine_ as softly as he can. It’s getting really cold inside and he could just close the door and sings at the top of his lungs, but then Liam would think that he’s putting on a show for him: he needs Liam to hear how sad he is, but it also has to look as if he didn’t want to be heard, as if he was singing quietly to himself without wanting to share his time of sorrow.

Maybe then Liam will feel bad for him and come downstairs asking for pancakes or something.  

 

He keeps singing for almost an hour, but his biggest achievement is that Scott barks at him at some point, which makes Derek bark back, causing Scott to bark even louder until Monroe joins the barking too and Theo just managed to wake up everyone in the building.

 

 

_Day three after making Liam cry._

Theo bakes a cake.

It’s a red velvet one, Liam's favorite, and he spends the entire afternoon trying to come up with the best message to put on top of it. Surely the first word needs to be _sorry_ , since it’s an apology cake the one he just baked, but deciding what he is apologizing for exactly turns out to be more difficult than what he thought.

He should apologize for snapping at Liam the other night of course, but that sounds a bit reductive. What about the part where he kept leading him on for weeks? He can’t just ignore that. _Sorry for being purposely extra hot everytime we see each other_ sounds like he’s trying to brag and not apologize, but it’s also totally honest. Actually _, sorry for moving here in the first place_ should also get included since that’s what started that entire mess. _Sorry for serving that girl her pumpkin spice, sorry for not kissing you back, sorry for getting so jealous at Sinema, sorry for always being nice to Mrs Jenkins_... _sorry for hugging you so much._ There are just too many things Theo needs to apologize for and that’s why he ends up only writing a giant SORRY with red icing and he leaves it at that. It’s very vague as an apology cake, but at least it’s not blaming Liam of anything, which is not something that can be said about every apology cake, so that’s something.

Now he only needs to give it to him.

Before he can lose another hour and a half just to make a plan on how to do it exactly, Theo is walking upstairs with the cake held tightly between his hands. That’s it, he’ll knock and if Liam won’t open he’ll just leave the cake on his doorstep for him to find and everything will be alright in the end.

His left fist is already in the air ready to knock when Theo stops, unable to resist at the umpteenth sudden attack from his brain. _Alright how? How does alright even look like?_

Theo has no idea.

What if Liam forgives him, what happens after? Theo will still not be ready for a relationship, Liam will still have a crush on him, those two things will still ineluctably end with someone getting hurt. Specifically Liam.

It will be just like that girl forcing a smoking latte down her throat just to make Theo happy.

And the thing is, maybe his cake looks a lot better than Liam’s because it’s closed in a nice wrapping and the apology is actually polite, but Liam never threw beetles at him again after he kinda apologized for it, while Theo, well Theo has no idea how to stop leading Liam on if they start hanging out again, how to stop looking at him with heart eyes and wrapping his arms around him all the time. He baked the perfect apology cake, but he has no actual intention of stopping what he’s apologizing for, so his cake is not perfect at all, his cake fucking sucks.

 _It’s a lying cake_ , he realizes in horror staring down at it and he almost drops it on the floor.

He was about to feed Liam a lying cake on top of everything else and that’s when his brain finally regains full control.

 

Theo lowers his fist and walks back to his apartment without a sound. Throwing a perfectly edible cake in the trash is the supreme asshole move, but he does just that, because for the first time in a while he’s not confused. Everything is clear and he finally knows what he has to do in order to stop hurting Liam, and that’s exactly it: being an asshole. Stop making him food, stop leading him on, stop being nice.

No making up with Liam, no getting close again.

He’ll just pretend Liam never existed and Liam will hate him for it as the plan requires and that’s how everything will be alright. That’s how Liam doesn’t get hurt again.

Theo not getting hurt is sadly not a part of this plan, but that’s okay, it’s his turn to suffer a bit now.

 

 

_Day four after making Liam cry._

Theo is looking for some dirty spot that somehow survived his morning cleaning just to keep himself busy and stop thinking melancholically about things or people he decided not to ever think about again, but he’s having no luck: his flat is just so _clean_ and everything is perfect and Theo hates it.

There is literally nothing to do.  

He’s pretty close to cross the hall and offer Mrs Jenkins his free cleaning services, but first he makes a quick last try, running his eyes through every surface of the room: the kitchen counter, so lucid he can almost see his own reflection on it, the bookcase, where every single book is ordered by author, dimension and color, the glass of his balcony door, so clean he can perfectly see Liam’s panicked expression from the other side of it, the wooden floor freshly waxed just a few hours bef- _wait._

 “Liam?”

“Yes...?” Liam, who is in his balcony, the one you can only access from inside Theo’s apartment or the upper floors, clears his throat and starts looking around with nonchalance, actually in the process of ignoring his current location.

“What are you doing in my balcony? How did you even...”

“Nothing.” Liam shrugs. “I...I fell.”

“You fell.” Theo repeats slowly.

“Yes, it’s when you lose balance and-”

“I know what falling is,  _how_  did you fell into my balcony exactly?”

“I was looking out of the window and I sneezed very hard.”

Liam is actually trying to convince him that he fell from the sky into his balcony because of a sneeze and Theo wants to laugh and hug him so hard right now.

Which is why he puts an extra layer of coldness in his voice. “That’s the footprint of your shoe right there on that tile.”

“Do you spend a lot of time looking at the sole of my shoes, Theodore? Is that how you think you can say it’s mine and not literally anyone else’s?”

“It’s not anyone else who just  _fell_  into my balcony.” His voice is so harsh this time that Liam frowns surprised, inspecting his face in confusion.

“This doesn’t give you the right to question me.” He scoffs eventually. “I don’t have to explain myself to you. Just let me out or I’ll start screaming.”

“Nobody is holding you prisoner.” Theo takes a step back, moving from the door.

“Then, if you have nothing to say, I’ll go” Liam crosses his arms on his chest, glancing wary at Theo and not actually going anywhere.

“I’ve nothing to say.” And he manages to sound firm and credible, like someone that didn’t spend an hour baking an apology cake just yesterday.

“Then why were you knocking on my door just now?”

Theo frowns, genuine for the first time in this whole interaction. “It wasn’t me.”

“Oh, it wasn’t?” Liam looks suspicious and Theo’s heart misses a beat. Someone knocked on his door and he thought it was him. Liam too thinks about him everytime someone is at his door, he still cares.

It makes Theo ridiculously happy for a second, before his brain reminds him that Liam caring is _exactly_ the problem.  

“Yeah, it wasn’t.”

“Well, that’s better, because you don’t have any business knocking at my door, in fact I don’t want you anywhere near my apartment.” Liam’s voice sounds mad and extra bitter and Theo tries to focus on that instead of the shadow of hurt in his eyes. _That’s how you help him, make him turn the hurt in anger, come on._

“Say that when you’re not in my balcony anymore, would you?” This time the flash of surprised hurt crosses Liam’s entire face and Theo has to remind himself that, even if it doesn’t feel like it, he’s finally not being a selfish asshole anymore. He kinda _is_ being an asshole, okay, because that’s the whole point, but he’s only being an asshole because that’s what an altruistic, not asshole person would do in his situation. He’s making Liam a favor and he’s doing it without him even knowing, and it sucks so much that there’s no way that’s not the right thing to do.

“Oh my god I’m going, okay? Do you want me to pay you rent for the thirteen seconds I stayed here?” Liam stomps inside, fuming. “Your balcony sucks!” He adds when he reaches the door before slamming it hard behind him.

 

Theo is starting to get used to Liam storming out of his flat upset and he hates it, but his brain just insists once again that it’s for his own good.

It sound like bullshit, but it’s the only brain Theo’s got, so he doesn’t say it.  

 

 

_Day five after making Liam cry._

Theo still feels like an asshole, but he still keeps it a secret from his brain.

 

_Day seven after making Liam cry._

They almost bump into each other in the hall when Theo is leaving for work.

 Scott starts wiggling and pulling his leash towards him, but Liam just picks him up with one arm and walks upstairs without as much as a glance at Theo.

Which is what Theo should have done in the first place, but luckily Liam was to busy ignoring him to notice Theo _not_ ignoring him, so the plan is safe.

His brain is very glad about it, Theo a bit less.

 

 

_Day nine after making Liam cry._

It’s particularly bad when even Isaac takes pity on you.

“You have been weirdly less pathetic these last few days, Raeken, are you sure you’re okay? And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t appreciate you not calling me anymore to waste my time with your embarrassing bullshit, but it _does_ amuse me to hear just how pathetic you can get because of your crazy neighbour, so yeah, I guess I will pick up the phone and pretend to listen if you feel like updating me again.”

“There’s nothing to say Isaac, it’s over. Can you pass me the almond milk? Thanks.”

 

 

_Around day eleven after making Liam cry, Theo eventually stops counting days that way._

 

 

 _Days fifteen after making Liam cry._ (It was a lie.)

Brad texts him.

_“Hey pretty boy, it’s been a minute. It’s not easy to find a new phone in prison as I’m sure you know, but I was finally able to get my hand on one. Wanna tell me why you blocked me?”_

Theo can’t stop staring at his phone.

It’s not about the text itself, of course Brad was going to find another way to contact him again sooner or later, he’ll just have to block his new number too and that will be it. But that’s not the point.

Theo remembers vividly when he finally blocked Brad after two whole months of reading and being affected by his bullshit, he remembers who was sitting next to him while he did it, how absorbed Liam was by the new Game of Thrones episode to notice anything. That was a month ago. He had barely just met Liam and having him sit next to him was all it took for Theo to find in himself the courage to finally do it.

And the point is not even that, it’s just that Theo is only now realising that he can’t think of a single time when he actually thought about Brad since he blocked him.

Theo couldn’t give a single _fuck_ about Brad anymore and it’s hitting him hard because his brain used him as a reason not to start a new relationship so soon for all that time and it suddenly seems so stupid and pointless, when all Theo could think about in those two weeks was not the two years relationship he had with his criminal ex, but the one he never had with Liam. The one he _could_ have with Liam.

 

Before blocking his number this time Theo actually answers Brad.

_Fuck you._

He means it, and fuck his stupid brain too.

 

 

When Liam opens the door and glances confused at the old guitar in his hands before meeting his eyes, Scott wiggling curiously behind his leg, Theo is finally, finally ready to stop thinking. And so he sings.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah yeah I know, it’s abrupt but it felt right to end there (specifically, my lazy ass _felt_ it). The kiss and the awkard smut and all that stuff is in [Liam POV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15499173/chapters/38194439) where it belongs. Thank you again to everyone who read this story, love you all bye!


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